Ron Swanson: Knope, what are these contracts?
Leslie Knope: It's just a little something that I drew up for all the employees of the new town. Basic boilerplate language, 50-year commitment, blah, blah, blah.
April: I'm so sorry, honey, but Tynny and I won't sign anything until we speak with our life coach.
Tom: When Eric saw this, he smashed a bunch of computers.
Ron Swanson: Why are you doing this?
Leslie Knope: What's the big deal? I'm just trying to stop time with legally-binding friendship contracts. What part of that do you not understand?
Ron Swanson: You have lost your mind.
April: I think you need a spa day, Les.
Leslie Knope: Fine! You only have to work here until I'm dead! Is that better?