Chris: Hey, guys. What are you doing here?
Ben: Congratulations. You have won the award for Best Man.
Tom: Full disclosure: I voted for Ryan Gosling, but you came in a close second.
Ben: Now, you've never been married, so you didn't get your own bachelor party. But let's look ahead.
Tom: The year is 2018. America is thriving under president Nick Cannon, and tomorrow, Chris Traeger's getting married.
Ron Swanson: Who's the lucky lady? Maybe she's an upbeat gal who's nuts about fitness.
Jerry: Maybe she owns a juice bar in Snerling.
Andy: Maybe it's April. Maybe I die. Skydiving explosion. Pbbbt. And then you go marry April. And it makes me sad, but if she's gonna be with somebody, I'd like it to be you.
Chris: Strange, but sweet.
Andy: Only I didn't really die. I was faking it. And I come back. I spy on you from my red Corvette. And I'm planning to kick your ass, but I see how happy you make her, and I have to walk away. I have to. And I do, slowly. In a rainstorm.
Ben: Okay, this isn't really in the spirit of what we're trying to do.
Andy: But as time goes by, it eats away at me. You're out living it up with my wife. And I'm alone. In a cave. Training.
Ron Swanson: Anyone else want to chime in?
Andy: I thought you were my friend. I thought you were my friend!