Tom: [groans] I'm so bored.
Ron Swanson: I have something for you, son.
Tom: My iPhone?
Ron Swanson: No. I am giving you a non-electronic book made of paper from a tree. It is called Auto Repair Manual: 1982. You will read this book from cover to cover, then you will assist me in repairing the damage to my car. I will not report you to the judge, but if you slip up again, you will have much more to fear than some feeble government employee in a robe.
Tom: Thanks.
Ron Swanson: Two more things. When you do get your phone back, you will not stare at it when you're talking with another human being. Look a man in the eye when you speak with him. And second, if you ever need to discuss your problems with someone... find Leslie. She lives for that crap. Get to work.