Joan Callamezzo: When I was 18, Val Kilmer saw me at a mall and told me I should model.
Tom: [gasps]
Ben: That never happened.
Tom: So, Joan, how is married life treating you? Your husband still know he's the luckiest man in the world?
Joan Callamezzo: Santino and I are divorcing.
Tom: Oh.
Joan Callamezzo: It's actually quite liberating. I'm a woman with a strong sexual appetite. I'm like a caged peacock, yearning for the wind on her haunches.
Ben: That's a powerful metaphor.
Tom: Maybe we can get that book club sticker in order, and we can work on unlockin' that peacock cage.
Joan Callamezzo: Things have changed, Tom. Don't make any promises you can't keep. I'll have another drink, and so will this adorable hunk of caramel to my right. Drink up, Tom. I'm gonna go powder my nose... Amongst other things. [chuckles] If you know what I mean. [trips] Crap.
Ben: Is she gonna powder her vagina?