Ron Swanson: Tom, could you come into my office? Tom-ato sauce.
Tom: Ron-tonamo Bay.
Ron Swanson: Do be seated. And congratulate me.
Tom: For what?
Ron Swanson: Winning the game. I just found out, through some pretty impressive investigating, that your wedding was a sham. It's a green card marriage.
Tom: That's crazy. I was born in South Carolina. These colors don't run, baby.
Ron Swanson: Yes, but Wendy was born in Ottawa, Canada. Her visa was set to expire the day after you got married at the county courthouse in front of three strangers and no family.
Tom: Okay. We met in college. She wanted to work in the States, she couldn't get a permit...
Ron Swanson: I knew it. I knew you couldn't get a wife as hot as her.
Tom: Seriously, Ron. Games aside, you gotta keep this between us. Don't tell anybody, please.
Ron Swanson: Now, come on. Don't worry. I'm not gonna turn you in. Just admit that when it comes to digging up dirt, I bested you in this game. Say it. Say, "I bested you."
Tom: Fine. You bested me. Is that all?
Ron Swanson: No. I'll have your wife tonight.
Tom: What?
Ron Swanson: I'm just kidding. Get out of here.