Joan Callamezzo: So what is the secret sauce that we should all be putting on our marriage burgers?
Mr. DeMarco: Well, we never go to bed angry.
Joan Callamezzo: Never, ever would have thought of that.
Mr. DeMarco: [drinks water] Ahh.
Mrs. DeMarco: Okay. I can't do this. Leslie, you can keep your money.
Joan Callamezzo: M-money? [chuckles] Did you bribe them to be here?
Leslie Knope: No, I...
Mr. DeMarco: Leslie offered us each 200 bucks to keep this going... But it's impossible.
Mrs. DeMarco: You want to know why we got married?
Leslie Knope: Bring it.
Mrs. DeMarco: I had no prospects, and Dougie here had an alcohol problem. Plus the Cold War was happening, and frankly, we all thought we were gonna die.
Mr. DeMarco: Well, I figured I could really tick off my parents by shacking up with some Pawnee trash.
Leslie Knope: Ya-ta-ta-ta-ta. Okay. We all agree that marriages have their ups and downs, but at the end of the day, they're worth it because... Who likes tap dancing? [quietly tap dancing]
Mr. DeMarco: I slept with Sharon in 1979.
Mrs. DeMarco: I used to get out of the shower in front of your brother on purpose.