Councilman Dexhart: [on TV] Recently, certain allegations have come to light about my inappropriate conduct. I'm here to set the record straight. I totally did all of it.
Ben: Another sex scandal? This guy's unbelievable.
Leslie Knope: How does he find the time?
Councilman Dexhart: [on TV] I also engaged in inappropriate texting, sexting, and tex-mexting, which is where you send photos of your junk from the restroom of a Chili's to go.
Ben: Hmm.
Leslie Knope: Ew.
Councilman Dexhart: [on TV] Does this make me a bad boy? You tell me. No. Really. Tell me. It gets me off when women tell me that.
Leslie Knope: He's reading this, he wrote this down.
Councilman Dexhart: [on TV] I sent these texts to roughly 100 women under the following pseudonyms: [clears throat] Enrique Shockwave, Willie Dynamite, Lee Harvey Teabag...