April: Is this true? You only spent $40 on clothes in the past 5 years?
Ron Swanson: It sounds about right.
April: How did you meet Tammy One?
Ron Swanson: Technically, I've known her since I was born. She was a Candy Striper at the hospital. She helped deliver me.
All: Oh, my God.
Ron Swanson: I grew up in a very small town. 600 people. Everybody knew everybody else. We first took up together when I was 15.
Andy: Awesome.
Ron Swanson: It was a little scandalous, but everyone feared her, so they kept their mouths shut.
April: I don't even know her, but she's my hero.
Ron Swanson: No, she's no hero, April. She's a hellacious nightmare. She did, however, teach me everything I know. Sunday school, sex. She was my math teacher in middle school and my babysitter, and she taught driver's ed.