Allenbach: We are here today to determine whether Leslie Knope violated any municipal rules or laws due to her romantic relationship with her superior Ben Wyatt, whose hearing will be held tomorrow. Would you like to make a statement at this time?
Leslie Knope: Yes. I freely admit to the relationship, and I will not be fighting the charges that we violated Chris' rule. But we did nothing else wrong or unethical.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: In 1849, Sarah Nelson Quindle exposed her elbow outdoors, which was a class "A" felony. Although she felt the law unjust, she acknowledged that she had broken it, and she nobly accepted her punishment. To be set adrift on Lake Michigan like a human popsicle. Look how calm she looks. That's how I feel, totally zen.