Ron Swanson: Usually, I only read nautical novels and my own personal manifestos, but I'm proud to make this exception.
Leslie Knope: Thank you, Ron. I expect all of you to buy additional copies. But I wanted the first one that you owned to be delivered and signed by me.
April: God, this goes on for, like, seven pages!
Leslie Knope: I started thinking about you as a woman, and as a person, and I got carried away.
Jerry: Okay, mine just says, "Get well soon."
Leslie Knope: Aren't you sick?
Jerry: No.
Leslie Knope: Something's off.