Tom: Hey, have you figured out what you're getting Ann for Christmas?
Mark: Oh, I got her a pretty great computer bag.
Tom: Yeah? That's a terrible gift.
Mark: No, no, Tom, she needs one. She mentioned it to me two months ago, and I wrote it down. That's what's called being an amazing boyfriend.
Tom: Have you seen Ann? You know how hot she is? Men give women of that caliber speed boats, private jets... Not computer bags.
Mark: Okay, what do you think I should get her?
Tom: Diamonds. Can't go wrong with diamonds.
Mark: Diamonds?
Tom: There isn't a woman alive who doesn't love diamonds. Even the super-left-wing chicks that saw blood diamond and cried... When they get a diamond, they're, like, "Yeah, bitch, gimme more of them blood diamonds! Make 'em extra bloody." Trust me.