Andy: All right, let's go to the video again. Sweet kick, Leslie exits the building, and then you get hit. [laughs] What else do we know? We know that Leslie was about 15 feet in front of you, so clearly the assailant has terrible aim. Mm-hmm. Or... Leslie wasn't the target.
Jerry: Well, who then? [Andy draws on the TV] Okay, that's permanent marker.
Andy: Go find Ben, get a list of everyone he's ever fired. Go, go! Macklin, you son of a bitch.

Bobby Newport: A lot of people have been asking me how I feel about everything that's happened today. Well, let me tell you a little story. My dad was this amazing athlete when he was a kid. When I was in junior high, I started doing track just to impress him... [Leslie scoffs] Even though I hated it. At the end of the year, I entered the 5,000 meters. And I won. It was awesome. My dad wrapped me in a big hug, said he was proud of me. That's just a great story that happened between me and my dad and nobody else.
Ben: Oh, we're dead. It's over.
Leslie Knope: That's my story.
Bobby Newport: Before I go, I want to bring up a special guest. Somebody who's been very supportive and mega cool today. Leslie Knope. Will you come up here?
Leslie Knope: What?
Bobby Newport: Come on, come up here.
Ben: Go, go, go, go, go.
Bobby Newport: You know, Leslie's been getting a lot of heat today, but I want you all to know that we talked person-to-person, and she's really great. People should stop being so mean to her. In fact, if you don't vote for me tomorrow, you should vote for her, because she's super, super awesome lady. Leslie, we did it! Yeah!

Jennifer Barkley: Chris, right? Hi, I'm Jen.
Chris: Hello.
Jennifer Barkley: You know, there are 30 bedrooms in this house. Bobby's in one, there's a dead guy in another, the rest are free. What do you say?
Chris: Oh! That is very flattering. But you're the opposition campaign manager. I--I couldn't do that to Leslie.
Jennifer Barkley: Oh, for God's sake, Chris. This campaign is over. My job is done and so is yours. It's just sex. I'm very good at it.
Chris: Okay.
Jennifer Barkley: Great! Let's do it. Haven't got all day, honey.

Andy: Sewage Joe. Ben Wyatt fired you for sending pictures of your penis to everyone, and you've come here to "pie" him.
Joe: Little twerp has it coming.
Andy: [laughs] Oh, dude, I dare you. Please. Give me one reason to take you down. I would love nothing more-- [Joe pies Ben] Oh, [bleep]. Ben, sorry.
Police Officer: All right, let's go.
Andy: Oh, I did it!
Ben: [covered in pie] Yeah. Great job.