Chris: Speaking of which, how's the new gig coming?
Ben: Well, I got a raise, and my fridge is full of calzones, so not complaining.

Leslie Knope: Hey. Sorry about the whole mess. The crisis has been averted, so let's go talk to the chief.
Ben: Oh, I already talked to him. They'll give us the hours we need, no problem.
Leslie Knope: Great. What a relief.
Ben: Yeah. Hey, are you hungry? I haven't eaten.
Leslie Knope: You know, yeah. There's a really great calzone place over in Idiotville.
Ben: Oh, really?
Leslie Knope: Down on Terrible Idea Avenue.
Ben: Okay. That's weird. 'cause I thought it was on beating-a-dead-horse boulevard.
Leslie Knope: Calzones are pointless. They're just pizza that's harder to eat. No one likes them. Good day, sir.
Ben: Leslie, I... you know, I...
Leslie Knope: I'm just kidding. Let's go.
Ben: Oh. [laughs weakly] Okay. That was funny.

Ben: Okay, how about some calzones?
Leslie Knope: Calzones are like pizzas but they're harder to eat. They're dumb and so was that idea.
Ben: Seriously?
Tom: This is embarrassing for you.

Ben: Excuse me, chief. Sorry to interrupt.
Chief Trumple: Hey, Calzone Boy, what's up?
Ben: Well, here's hoping that that nickname doesn't stick. Right? But that's not why I'm here. Uh, Leslie Knope asked you for a favor the other day, but the real favor we need is much bigger.
Chief Trumple: You mean, like calzone-sized?
Ben: Ah! Sure. We need the Pawnee Police Force to volunteer as security during the upcoming Harvest Festival. Now, the city won't let us throw the festival unless...
Chief Trumple: Say no more. Just send me a schedule of how many officers you need and when.
Ben: Really? Just like that?
Chief Trumple: Leslie Knope gets as many favors as she needs.
Ben: Can I ask why?
Chief Trumple: Because she's the kind of a person who uses favors to help other people. And also, my buddy Dave was the crankiest bastard in the department till he started dating Leslie.
Ben: Huh. So she... Okay. Are they still dating or...?
Chief Trumple: No. Moved to San Diego a year ago.
Ben: Oh. Was it a serious thing, or...?
Chief Trumple: What do you care? You a pervert?
Ben: Nope, nope. I'm all good. Um, everything's fine. This is fine.

Ben: The calzones... betrayed me? Never again, guys. As God as my witness, they're dead to me.