Andy: I'm gonna miss the food in Pawnee. Taco Bell, KFC, Pizza Hut, and most of all, I'm gonna miss you, Leslie.
Leslie Knope: Aw, Andy, all of those things, including me, will still be with you in Washington.
Andy: That is a beautiful sentiment.

April: Hey. Brought you coffee. Help you get through the day.
Andy: Thanks, dude.
April: No problem, lady. [Andy drinks the coffee] I'm gonna go. Okay.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: April is the best. But she's 20. When April was born, I was already in 3rd grade. Which means if we were friends back then, I'd have been hanging out with a baby. I don't know anything about infant care. My God, I could've killed her.

Andy: Also, can you bring back Power Rangers? I don't know what it is you do, but you seem important enough to get that done.

April: You gave Tom all your money?
Andy: Yeah, well, I'm investing. I'm like Warren "Buffay".

Andy: Margaret's pecan squares. They are like crack. I brought you one.
Tom: How are you so happy working here?
Andy: I don't know, man. It's not that bad. A year ago I lived in a pit. Now I got a job, and a kickass wife, and my band is so good, and are you gonna eat that pecan square? When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I read that once on a can of lemonade, but I like to think that it applies to life.

[at the Grand Canyon:]
Andy: It's so much more beautiful than I could have ever even imagined.
April: Yeah. I'm trying to find a way to be annoyed by it, but... Coming up empty.
Andy: Thank you so much. I never would have ever done this without you. Thank you. Where's all the faces? Like the presidents.

Andy: Honey! I just traded Finland's military to Kenya for 50 lions. That's pretty good, right?
April: Yeah...
Andy: Okay.
April: But also militaries are pretty good at protecting countries.
Andy: But so are lions. And you don't have to pay them.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: These kids are idiots. I've just traded all of Finland's boring stuff for every other country's lions? I definitely have more lions than any other country in the whole world right now. I have no idea what's going on. But if that ends up meaning something in this game, I'd say I'm set.

Andy: First, we do the written exam, and then we do the personality evaluation, which I feel like I'm gonna nail, 'cause people always say, "But he's got a great personality." Okay, quiz me.
April: Okay, what does it mean when an officer calls in a 3542?
Andy: Assault and battery. The way I remember that, I picture 35 a-salt shakers and 42 batteries.
April: Great. What is the criminal code for arson?
Andy: Arson is 533. You know how I remember that? I picture 533 salt shakers and batteries lighting a building on fire.

Officer Killnose: So this test will determine whether you have the right personality profile to be a police officer. Just to make sure the machine is working, is your name Andy?
Andy: I don't know how to answer that.
Officer Killnose: A simple "yes" or "no."
Andy: Well, everyone calls me Andy, but my full name is Andrew, I think, so... No? Wait. Yes.
Officer Killnose: Let's move on. Scenario: a high-school-aged child asks to hold your service revolver. What do you do?
Andy: Yes, I give it to him. When I was a kid, I always wanted to hold a cop's gun. To make that dream come true for another kid... Well, that's what being a cop is all about.
Officer Killnose: Scenario: you pull a car over for speeding, you find out that it's your father. How do you handle the situation?
Andy: Ooh. Well, first, I would be like, "Dad... You're alive? What the hell? Also, do you know where my catcher's mitt is?"

Ben: Look, guys, I'm sorry about all the new rules, But, you know, I want you to like me. But I also really need you to respect me.
Andy: I respect you, little buddy. Come here. Mm, respect noogie.
Ben: Ah!
Donna: We didn't prank you 'cause we don't respect you. We did it 'cause we love you.
Andy: [sings] R-e-s-p-e-g-c
Ben: Well, that's actually not how respect is spelled.
April: Yes.
Andy: According to Urethra Franklin, that's exactly how it's spelled.