Leslie Knope: It's okay. Everything's fine. Just wheel out the backup cake.
Ben: There is no backup cake.
Leslie Knope: Who doesn't bake a backup cake?

April: After we drop off the renter's insurance forms, we need to stop by the grocery store. And then we need to sign a suicide pact, because our lives are meaningless.
Andy: Babe, we are not boring people. Would boring people get renter's insurance, even though it's not legally required?

Leslie Knope: Jessica, Mr. Nelson. You are going to hear a lot of bids today. But this is the only one that matters.
Jessica Wicks: Is this a circle? Or, is it an "O"? [gasps] Is Oprah involved in your bid?
Leslie Knope: It's a zero. I bid zero dollars.
Trevor Nelsson: I have to say, that's one of the lower one's we've seen.
Leslie Knope: Pawnee is celebrating its 200th anniversary, and the Newport family has been here since day one. Through feast and famine, transformation, upheaval, celebration. The Newport family is part of the fabric of this town, and not always in a good way. Like when your hot fudge pipeline exploded.
Jessica Wicks: Oh, boo hoo. It all ran off into the lake.
Leslie Knope: Well, yes. Admittedly, it did make the fish taste delicious, but it was a P.R. nightmare. My question is this. What do you want the Newport name to mean in the future? If you donate this land and you let me turn it into a national park - the Newport National Park - your name will stand for something good. For generations to come.
Jessica Wicks: How much was her bid again?
Trevor Nelsson: It was, uh...zero dollars.
Jessica Wicks: Oh. That's the part I don't like.
Leslie Knope: Just keep me in the running. Give me a chance to prove to you how great this could be.

Andy: We are responsible adults. You know what that means.
April: I know.
Andy: We have money and we are going to buy the [bleep] out of this house.
April: Seriously?
Andy: Yes. Who needs rental insurance? We're gonna live here.

Trevor Nelsson: [on TV] Good evening. I'm attorney Trevor Nelson with the law firm Fwar, Dips, Winshares, Gritt, Babip, Pecota, Vorp, and Eckstein. Legal counsel to the Newport family. Here to announce that the Newport family trust has narrowed the search to two final candidates. The Gryzzl Corporation and the National Park Service.
Leslie Knope: Okay. I'm in the game. All I have to do is convince them that it's better taking no money than taking $90 million.
Ben: Well, you did convince three unsuspecting toddlers that peas turn into cupcakes in their tummies.
Leslie Knope: I started my career in Pawnee by turning a pit into a cool, little park. And now, I have the chance to give this town a massive, beautiful gift that they can use forever. In the words of Jason Bourne, "This is where it started for me, this is where it ends."
Ben: Yeah, you know, I still think Kevin James was a weird choice for the reboot.
Leslie Knope: Oh, I don't. I think he nailed it.

Tom: So I'm thinking in addition to the Tom's Bistros, we have a hyper exclusive lounge area called Tommy's Lounge.
Leslie Knope: Attention! This is war. You guys are going down. And that's all I wanted to say. Except Donna, Tom. Hey. I'm--I'm sorry I haven't kept in better touch with you recently. But I've just, you know, I'm a little preoccupied with my kids and my job. And also, prepare for war. Because you chose the wrong side and we are gonna smoke you. And also, I made cookies. But Ron is not allowed to eat them. And they say prepare for war on them. But the "O" in the word for is a heart.
Andy: And... I ate a lot of them on the way over here, because we're at war.