Nick: Guys! Pepperwood's about way more than just a romance. It's... it's, uh, it's about life, you know? Race. The sexualization of the American handgun.
Jess: [whispers] Keep it clean.
Nick: Okay. It's a story about his ambiguous relationship with... with justice.
Gertie: But the romance is amazing. It made me realize it doesn't matter if I'm straight or gay; I'm just me.
Nick: You got that from my book? That's-- yeah. That was positive. Do you think that's because of the gay dog character?
Gertie: Yeah.
Nick: What I really respect about that is it's never mentioned that he's a gay dog. But you got that from the writing. And that's pretty dope.

Nick: Wow. This is incredible. I mean, so many great ideas here. It feels like maybe The Pepperwood Chronicles
could be, like, a whole series.
Jess: Well, I mean, it's called The Pepperwood Chronicles, so I assumed there'd be more than one.

Jess: Nick, I have to get to school!
Nick: I know. So do I. I can't wait to pitch those girls my Pepperwood prequel. It opens with a very graphic description of his birth. It's like a dark Look Who's Talking.

Schmidt: [on the phone] Can I come help you pack? Jeremy's done everything around here.
Cece: Actually, I'm not packing, I'm just, uh, hanging out with Winston.
Schmidt: I'm so bored, Cece, please. I'm desperate. Are you guys having one of those mess-downs? I could come be part of that.
Jeremy: Sir, I believe the correct term is "mess-around."

Cece: This is gonna be our last mess-around before I leave, and I just don't want Furguson to leave you, too.
Winston: Just because you stop living together doesn't mean you stop caring about somebody. Because caring-- that is the real mess-around. Come on.

Schmidt: I'm sorry that I yelled at you. The truth is is you are exactly who I was when I was your age. I was hungry. I was putting in 22 hours a day. Once worked four days straight without water.
Jeremy: Wow.
Schmidt: And I just wish that somebody had taken me aside and told me that there was another way.
Jeremy: Would you have listened?
Schmidt: [sighs] Probably not.
Jeremy: Then I won't either. In fact, you're not even talking to Jeremy right now.
Schmidt: Okay, well, then who am I talking to?
Jeremy: The younger you, telling you to take advantage of your new super cool assistant so you can get to the next floor and the next floor and the next floor and the next floor and the next floor and now we're on top!
Schmidt: And now we're on top! I'm liking this side of you, Jeremy. Yeah, let's stay hungry. I'm gonna go in there, I'm gonna work on the McCormick presentation. Now I actually am hungry. Let's order some food.
Man: Already done, sir.
Schmidt: Arigato.
Jeremy: [speaking Japanese]
Schmidt: Take it down a notch.

Schmidt: I deserve that coffee. I'm finally director of marketing at Ass Strat. Today I get to hire an assistant.
I'm gonna be tough, but I won't be a screamer. It's not constructive, it's rude.
Nick: Ooh, coffee.
Schmidt: Your pour that coffee down, you throw it or I'll pour your blood on the ground!
Nick: You'll pour my blood on the ground?
Schmidt: I'll knife you!

Nick: Look, I got a full day of writing ahead of me, and that requires a fourth cup of joe. What else is my whiskey gonna swim in?
Schmidt: You're taking this too far. You treat that heart of yours like a baseball-man's mitt.

Winston: Enough! You guys are tearing each other apart. For what? Coffee? Come on, man, you already got that energy inside of you. And that is the light of the Lord. [chuckles] Man, this? This ain't nothing but the devil's water. Nah, I'm just playing. [pours a drink]

Winston: Furguson? Where have you been?
Cece: What? Hi!
Winston: Huh? When you leave the house, you take your cell phone with you.
Gil: Oh! Oh, thank you so much for grabbing my cat. Come on, Sweatshirt, there's still some sashimi left between my toes.
Cece: Uh, this here is, uh, Winston's cat, Furguson.
Gil: Sweatshirt walked through my door a year ago, and while he may come and go as he pleases, he loves Mommy and her little milkies. Yes, he does. I'm his home.
Winston: Oh, really? So why do I have a photo of Furguson on my phone?
Gil: Oh, yeah? Then why do I have a picture of Sweatshirt on my sweatshirt?
Cece: Oh, damn.
Winston: Furguson, you got... you got two families, you dirty dog. Look, I'm sorry about that. I'm Winston. This is Cece.
Gil: Name's Gil-- like the man's name, but for me.