Nick: Just let me eat in here. I don't want to eat around Reagan.
Cece: Why not? [Nick eats] Oh, I forgot that you're a bear in pants.

Winston: Reagan! [laughs] Ooh, what a coincidence. We're both running! And I've been chasing you for miles like a murderer!
Reagan: I kind of prefer to run alone.
Winston: You see? That's your problem right there. We're roommates now, and in our loft, we do things together, like a family. Ooh, look. A bubbler. [drinks from the water fountain] Oh. Oh. [slurping loudly] Oh, that's so good! Mmm.
Reagan: There's a Band-Aid in there.

Schmidt: How did Nick go through so many napkins, yet get salsa everywhere?
Cece: We've got no privacy, and it has been way, way, way too long since Mama got her biscuits.
Schmidt: And the biscuits... are rising.
Cece: I hope they stick to the pan and get a little brown on the bottom.
Schmidt: I'm gonna be honest. That went right over my head. I just didn't get it. I don't know... I don't know where you're going with it.

Cece: Okay. So all we have to do is find a detail that won't make him spin out. Easy.
Schmidt: It'll be the opposite of easy. It will be difficult.
Cece: Oh.
Schmidt: We need to come up with something so smart, so nuanced, so... unexpected, so surgical, that only a genius could think of it.
[later:]
Schmidt: Reagan wears a wig.

Nick: What? Get out of here.
Cece: No, it's true. She-she told me.
Nick: Oh, she told you?
Cece: Yeah.
Nick: When?
Cece: Before.
Nick: [scoffs] Well, the timing definitely checks out. The only question is why.
Cece: Personal, um, lady reasons.
Nick: I don't want to touch that. [blows through lips] "Reagan wears a wig." "Told you before."
Cece: Yep.
Nick: "Because of lady stuff." Wow. I don't buy it. Doesn't make sense.
Cece: We failed.
Schmidt: Patience. I know my boy.
Cece: But, Schmidt...
Schmidt: I know my boy!

Reagan: Hey, Nick.
Nick: Got to get busy living or get busy dying. Heard.
Reagan: What are you doing?
Nick: What are you doing is the question. What are you doing?
Reagan: Were you just smelling my hair?
Nick: No. I'm just Nicky being Nicky.
Reagan: Sometimes I feel like you're in one of those weird man-dog body-switch movies.
Nick: You like those, too? Neither? [to Schmidt & Cece] It's a wig. [yelling] Doesn't make sense!

Schmidt: Ding, ding. The biscuits are ready.
Cece: Well, did you make enough for Cousin Andy?
Schmidt: S... I'm-I'm gonna tell you the truth. I don't get that one, either. Who the hell is Cousin Andy?
Cece: I just made it up. Mmm. [they kiss]

Camilla: If she wants to dump me, she should man up and look me in the eye.
Winston: You know what, she should have, and I told her that.
Camilla: It's the least she could have done.
Winston: Hey, you're preaching to the choir. Ask me how many times I've been dumped.
Camilla: I don't have the...
Winston: 47 times. And once on my birthday. And out of that 47 times and once on my birthday, do you know what part hurts the most?
Camilla: Getting bailed on.
Winston: Getting bailed on.

Camilla: Let's go find her.
Winston: Hell yeah. Ooh, wait, wait, wait, I just thought about it, and that's not a good idea.
Camilla: Where is she?
Winston: How you... how you know I know where she at?
Camilla: You said you're roommates.
Winston: Damn. Bitten by my own snake.

Reagan: So you all went through my room and you each have things that you would like to discuss. Is that correct?
Cece: That's true.
Schmidt: Yes.
Nick: Chicago.
Cece: So-- the money, the fake I.D.'s.
Reagan: I have fake I.D.'s because hospitals hate pharmaceutical reps and it gets me through the door. I carry Canadian cash because I do a lot of business there and I don't trust banks.
Nick: Who does?
Cece: Okay. All right, fine. What about this, though-- your son? He looks just like you.
Reagan: That is me.
Cece: [quietly] Wait. What?
Schmidt: Oof. Rough haircut.
Reagan: Oh, and if you found something in my room that kind of looks like a hollowed-out hand, that's a glove.