Jess: Aha! I trusted you!
Nick: Jess, get outta here.
Caroline: Nothing happened.
Jess: After everything we've built.
Nick: Go away, Jess, please.
Jess: Who are you?
Caroline: No, really, nothing happened. I have a boyfriend.
Nick: Wait, you have a boyfriend?
Caroline: Yeah, well I've been seeing someone. I didn't want to bring him because I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but now I know that you have Jess...
Jess: Yeah, he has me... and our baby!
Caroline: Okay, I'm just gonna let you guys...
Jess: And our other baby!

Nick: [Holds up pictures from the photo booth] That's Caroline and that's me. Four years we were together so...it doesn't matter to me, it's just what matter is..respect. [Crying] I'm just so alone right now, man and it's a real bad situation...
Camera Man: Uh, Steve and Bree.
Nick: Steve and Bree. Because that's what this is about. I agree with you. You're good at your job, man. [to the cardboard cutout of Steve and Bree] I'm so happy for you. You look great. It feels a little bit like you're rubbing it in my face, you know, happiness, but let's be honest, Bree, this doesn't look great on you. This. That's not a great look, Bree! Congratulations, Steve, nice fedora and no open bar, Steve, don't you understand that's tacky! You're dad's rich, you're a lawyer, man. [kicks over cardboard cut out] Yeah, that happened! [goes to the photo booth] The photo booth is a liar, FYI. Oh, hey ladies, you guys wanna see a grown man cry? No? Then get out! I think I saw a single doctor looking at you. This is gonna take a while, Orange.

Winston: Are you okay?
Jess: Yeah, I'm fine.
Winston: Those guys were jerks, but I know that they're glad you're around.
Jess: Really?
Winston: Yeah. They're not just gonna come out and say it, though. Especially Nick. But they're all thinking it. Even me. Most of the time.

Nick: They want me to leave the booth... but I'm staying. This is my home now. It's got everything that I need.

Nick: Jess, the fact is, is I was a mean person and I'm sorry, okay?
Jess: Hi, Nicholas.
Nick: Hey, Jess. I live in a photo booth, now.
Jess: Oh, is that so?
Nick: Yup. Come on in, come on in. That's the kitchen area.
Jess: Very nice.
Nick: This is the common area.
Jess: Oh, okay.
Nick: Dining room, living room, kind of everything.
Jess: It's very nice.

Jess: Hey, she had a boyfriend.
Nick: Yeah.
Jess: She shouldn't have been flirting with you all night. You can't be her back up plan. You have to let each other go. So now, you have to make a decision. "Am I gonna stay locked in a photo booth for the next hour or am I gonna get out there, take my shoes off and dance my face off." [laughs] Come on, it's up to you.

Schmidt: Gretchen, you think that, like, hooking up at all these weddings... I mean, one of these times, we go on an actual date.
Gretchen: No, I'm just using you for your body.
Schmidt: Oh, okay, cool. How many more of these things?
Gretchen: [showing a slide] We're just getting started.
Schmidt: That yellow helmet is... ugh.
Gretchen: Tonight, I'm gonna get certified on the River Schmidt.

Schmidt: Okay, tonight just got real. She's go on top of the kill list.
Jess: Is that because you're going to attempt to kill her by having sex with her?
Schmidt: More or less, yeah.
Jess: Oh, Schmidt, one day you're gonna kill the nicest girl.