‘Valentine's Day’
Season 1, Episode 13 - Aired February 14, 2012
Jess decides to go out on Valentine's Day for a one-night-stand and drags Schmidt along for support. Meanwhile, Nick is ready for a full-on Valentine's Day with Julia, while Winston has his first date with Shelby.
Quote from Winston
Shelby: So, you weren't expecting a girls' night, were you?
Winston: Not really. You know, Tia needed some tough love. [both laugh]
Shelby: You keep doing it.
Winston: What?
Shelby: Making up for how you used to be. You don't remember? Valentine's Day, 2008? You said you'd call. You didn't.
Winston: Um...
Shelby: I waited all night.
Winston: Okay, I don't deserve a second chance with you, do I?
Shelby: But here you are. Getting one. [Shelby pulls Winston back inside and they kiss]
Quote from Jess
Nick: Hey, Jess, what are you doing?
[Jess drops the large box of condoms]
Jess: [nervous laugh] I was asking Schmidt a question.
Nick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Jess: What?
Nick: Were you...?
Jess: What? No.
Nick: ...with Schmidt?
Jess: No! No. I was holding those, but I...
Nick: Oh, my God. What has gotten into you?
Jess: No. No.
Nick: And why do you have so many condoms?
Jess: Shh! Don't ever... Shh! Don't ever speak of this again.
Nick: You need one. Tops, two. Let's go. We'll get these later.
Jess: I was feeling twirly. Nick, Nick...
Nick: No! You're not having sex with Schmidt. This is a danger zone for you.
Quote from Cece
Schmidt: What is happening out there?
Cece: Stop, do not move, okay?
Schmidt: What? Why...?
Cece: Because if somebody catches us, I'm gonna say that you drugged me, and it's my word against yours. Okay?
Schmidt: Okay, yeah. That-that's fine, that makes sense.
Cece: You smell so good right now.
Quote from Schmidt
Cece: So, what about you? What about that redhead over there? I thought you totally had that.
Schmidt: Oh, that's in process. This is where I do this kind of, like, look thing, where, like, my confusion makes her confused... and, then, also kind of hot.
Cece: Let me help you. I'm gonna make her jealous. [grabs Schmidt's hair]
Schmidt: All right, can you... can you stop? Cece, you are way too beautiful. She'll think she doesn't have a shot with me. Can you stop looking at me like that, please?
Cece: What look? I'm not even looking at you.
Schmidt: The pouty one, the naughty baby Indian. [Indian accent] I just ate something spicy, and now my lip is swollen.
Quote from Cece
Cece: [on the phone] Get out of there, Schmidt. Leave your car there, and I'll come get you, okay?
Schmidt: What is going on over there? Where are you? Where's Kyle?
Cece: I'm at a playground. Kyle's shrooming.
Kyle: Woo-woo.
Cece: I'll see you guys later. [hangs up]
Kyle: I love brown people!
Cece: That's racist, Kyle.