Nick: Spit it out.
Jess: Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Fragrant. Mmm, I can really I can really taste the lake.
Nick: Spit it out.
Jess: I feel like I'm there in the lake with the fish. Mmm! Bony. That's gonna hurt going down. But I like it. Hurts so good! Hurts so good!
Nick: Jess, that fish was dead when I caught it. There was a sock near it.
Jess: [suppressed gagging]

Nick: Oh, God, this is all my fault. And you know what, Coach? I did like the invitation. I made it. And I liked the little trumpet guy. I thought he was cute. He was cute as a damn button!

Cece: Oh, my God! Is anyone hurt?
Nick: We're fine. I may have cracked a few ribs, and, uh, Jess is delirious. I think she thinks she's a rabbit.

Cece: Stop it, listen to me. We are going to solve this right now. All right, take your pants off. Okay, I am no Eagle Scout, but I know how to make a pants rope.
Schmidt: Pants rope.
Coach: You're a genius.
Cece: I know.
Schmidt: Are you gonna take off your pants?
Cece: Yeah, right after I take off my bra so we can anchor the rope to the tree.
Schmidt: That's gonna happen for real?
Cece: Just take them off now.

Coach: Whoa, look at Winston's pants. It's got kittens on it.
Winston: These aren't kittens.
Cece: I cannot believe I'm here voluntarily.

Nick: Hey, I'm sorry about the whole camping thing.
Jess: Oh, no, it's okay.
Nick: Ah, I was really stupid. I haven't been myself.
Jess: You're the man I want.
Nick: All you wanted was for everyone to be together on Thanksgiving, Jess.
Jess: Next year.

Schmidt: Listen, Coach, uh, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I thought maybe that I could give you some advice about about Cece.
Coach: How desperate do you think I am?
Schmidt: I think you're probably very desperate.
Coach: I'm very desperate, I mean, she's giving me nothing. Told her she looked pretty, she said thanks.
Schmidt: Mm-hmm.
Coach: What kind of mind game is that?
Schmidt: Look, Coach, things have always come easy to you. Cece is not going to be one of those things. I once spent hours in a car with just a cracked window for air. She was going into a club and she just kind of left me there.
Coach: Why are you smiling about that?

Nick: Hey. It's still 11:48, so happy Thanksgiving.
Jess: What?
Coach: Got us some Brazilian nuts, a couple of string cheeses, and... Snack.
Jess: Thank you.
Winston: I got the parade on my phone.
Jess: Yes.
Cece: Made some decorations.
Nick: I think this may be a turkey sandwich, but I'm not sure, and I know this whole thing isn't...
Jess: It's perfect. Look, guys, start without me because it might be a few weeks before I can eat again. [all laugh]
Coach: You were throwing up a lot. [laughs] That was scary seriously.