Jess: Robby, I need you to know that there is... [exhales] nothing going on between me and Gavin, except for an icy awkwardness that will continue until one or both of us is dead.
Robby: Oh, thank God. [laughs] I mean, I was sitting here thinking, really? Schmidt's dad.
Jess: I know. That'd be crazy, right?
Robby: Although I totally get it. I mean... [exhales] he's got that rakish charm. And that voice. Oh, my God. Great buns and...
Jess: Robby, stop. There's more.
Robby: Oh, boy. I think I know where this is going. Let me guess. You see me as more of a friend.
Jess: Well, I didn't want to talk about it on Thanksgiving. But you brought the tickets and...
Robby: Jess, it's okay. I get it. You know, there has to be that, um...
Jess: Oomph?
Robby: Yeah. I was gonna say "yowza," but, uh, oomph. You can't force the oomph, you know? I'll take my mom to Phoenix. She's nuts about Phoenix.

Jess: Wait! Robby! Robby, don't go.
Robby: I tried to Irish good-bye, but, uh, I'm moving a little slow.
Jess: When you were in there and you were saying all those things, I realize I don't even really know you. And I want to get to know you.
Robby: Jess, it's okay. I-I don't want you to force something that's not there.
Jess: I felt it.
Robby: You felt the oomph?
Jess: Yes. I... [sighs] I'm sorry I'm being so confusing. I-I think I'm as bad at Thanksgiving as I am at starting new relationships.
Robby: Yeah, you're pretty bad.
Jess: Robby, will you go on another date with me? [sings] Come on, baby, make it hurt so good.
Robby: Hell yeah, I'll go on another date with you. I did already tell my mom about Phoenix though. I hope that's okay.
Jess: Oh, of course. I apologize in advance for the state of our main course.

Jess: So they call our names and we can't decide what song to sing.
Robby: I want to do Journey, of course. And Jess wants to Adele.
Jess: Of course.
Reagan: We can't decide.
Jess: Hail Mary... we decide to do The Doors! And we bring the house... [laughing] down. [they high five]
Nick: Oh, that's the end?
Jess: Yeah.
Schmidt: Riveting.
Winston: I like the story. You know, The Doors? Man, that's a nice white group.

Robby: Man, we are wrecking you guys. It's probably 'cause me and Babs have, uh, such a strong connection.
Jess: Whatever. It's just 'cause you speak the same language.
Robby: I like to date people that I can communicate with.
Jess: Good for you. Where's the wine? I like it now.
Babs: I think it's making me hallucinate.
Robby: Mm-hmm. Me, too.
Jess: You know what? It's of good quality.

Reagan: Jess!
Jess: Robby! I don't want to see other people. And also, I'm eating a falafel 'cause I'm-I'm really, really drunk.
Robby: I'm really drunk, too, and I don't want to see anyone else, either.
Jess: We just got off to such a rough start.
Robby: I don't care how it started. I just care where it goes. I like you.
Jess: I like you, too!

Jess: Look, I'm really sorry about today. I shouldn't be looking for things to go wrong. It's just... a thing that I do.
Robby: I'm sorry, too. I mean, sometimes I act more like a... superfan than a boyfriend. And I don't want to do that with you.
Jess: I don't want to do my thing, either. It's going really well.
Robby: Especially considering it started with you dropping 175 pounds of iron on my face.
Jess: So you admit it's my fault!
Robby: Okay, I'll admit that... it's half your fault. I mean, look, I could have yelled out and said "stop" or something, but... I wanted you to kiss me. And hey, I'm paying that medical bill, okay? Because... I'm rich.
Jess: Okay, fine. But I am knitting you $200,000 worth of scarves. Final offer.
Robby: Deal. [they shake hands]

Jess: I'm sorry. Just... I'm really hungry.
Robby: Here. You can have some of my trail mix.
Jess: That's just a bag of raisins.
Robby: Well, that's because I only like to eat the peanuts and the chocolate.
Jess: Well, I only like the chocolate and the peanuts, too! Why do we even add raisins?!
Robby: I don't know!

Robby: Okay, well, it's really dark and uneven, but at least we found the trail.
Jess: Yeah, I mean, it's like a night hike. [chuckles] Maybe we'll see a colony of bats. [chuckles] It's kind of like a waterfall. But with monsters, in the sky.
Robby: [thunder cracks]Oh! Oh, man. Okay, uh, Jess, it's raining.
Jess: Let's take shelter in that cave!
Robby: What if it's more of a nest than a cave?
Jess: Whatever. It'll do.