Nick: Don't leave, hold on. I-If you leave, the place could be rented. It's a hot property. There's a lot of applications.
Reagan: Who am I up against?
Nick: A CEO of a major company with computers. His name is Michael... Silvergold. Michael Silvergold.
Reagan: What is his credit score?
Nick: Michael Silvergold?
Reagan: Mm-hmm.
Nick: T... twenty.
Reagan: Twenty?
Nick: Five.
Reagan: Twenty-five.
Nick: Thousand.

Schmidt: Back off, Beach House!
Cece: So you're totally fine, huh?
Reagan: Are you freaking out because she hooked up with a woman? That's so boring.
Schmidt: Not at all. I completely appreciate the fluidity of sexuality. I'm basically a woman myself.
Winston: You're losing the thread.

Cece: What are you talking about now?
Schmidt: Everybody knows that there is a window of time before any wedding where some amazing person comes out of the woodwork and tries to steal a bride. It's the plot of every romantic comedy. I'm the Bridgette Wilson-Sampras here!
Cece: Who?
Reagan: I don't know.
Schmidt: Oh, I suppose you're both too "cool" to have seen The Wedding Planner!
Winston: Well, I've seen it.

Aly: What was wrong with her?
Nick: I just wasn't feeling it.
Aly: What's "it"?
Nick: [scoffs] It's obvious. It's, you know, it's... [slurring] magic.
Aly: What?
Winston: Hmm?
Nick: Little bit of the magic thing, little bit of the...
Aly: "Man stick"?
Nick: I'm not saying "man stick."
Aly: It's what I heard.

Schmidt: You are kind. You are brave. You are a Maccabee. You are Daddy's favorite boy. You are loved by a wonderful woman. Deep breath in... [inhales] All heart, all action. Movement, direction, directive.

Cece: Hey, what can I get you?
Man: Can I get a beer and, uh, your number?
Cece: Actually, I'm...
Schmidt: This woman is engaged. Her number belongs to God now. Thank you.
Man: My bad, I didn't see a ring.
Schmidt: I'm wo... I'm working on it. That's something I'm working on. Can't just put any ring on the hand of the most perfect woman in the world. Now shoo. Back to the mechanical shop or wherever it is you work.

Cece: Okay, so you're doing it again.
Schmidt: I'm doing what?
Cece: Ever since we got engaged, you've been acting insanely jealous. Look, all bartenders get hit on. It's just part of the job. Even Nick has groupies.

Nick: I'm saying "magic."
Winston: Oh.
Nick: I don't know, I just... I want magic. Is that so bad? I want the music to swell. I want the wind to blow. I-I want the clouds to part.
Winston: Yeah.
Nick: Love! Magic! Something exciting!
Aly: Why are you yelling?
Nick: Because I am embarrassed!

Nick: We have a room! We have a room available. I overheard you, sorry. We have a room. Uh, my name is Nick, uh, Nicholas for long. Uh, my friend and I have a lovely room for rent in our loft downtown. You see, our old roommate is on jury duty. Her name is Jess, Jessica. We had a little "will they/won't they." Then we did, and then we fought a little bit too much. We still have a really nice thing.
Winston: Excuse me, ma'am. I am truly sorry for my friend here, but I am sure it is not realistic that you would want to rent a place from total strangers.
Reagan: Normally, no, but I have a lobster tank in my bedroom.
Nick: We have no lobsters.

Reagan: What is the rent like?
Nick: What do you want it to be? I don't care.
Winston: What?
Nick: Cheap.
Reagan: Amenities?
Nick: Yeah, we got those.
Reagan: You got a rain shower? I love a rain shower.
Nick: Rain shower? Crazy enough, we were installing one today.