Nick: Do you remember when you were taking the bus to the farmer's market and it hit a bump and you soiled yourself?
Winston: That was not my favorite Arbor Day. [laughs] Why you, uh... why are you bringing that up?
Nick: Remember when you, uh, were in the park, and a bee flew into your mouth and then you fell off the bridge at that place where all the ducks go to the bathroom?
Winston: I see what you're doing. Keep it going.
Nick: Remember when you had to leave Latvia because you weren't good enough to be a professional basketball player, and you came back home to be a full time babysitter?
Winston: Okay. All right. Time out. You know, you, you hit a nerve.
Nick: Okay.
Winston: Definitely brought me down a peg.
Nick: I'm sorry.
Winston: It's okay. I needed it.

Schmidt: [mouth full] Mm. There she is. Jess. Big news. I realized that you were right. I'm happy because Cece loves me and she's gonna love me no matter what, even if I turn into a bloated Ashkenazi marshmallow. Turns out, I don't have to work out ever again. I can eat as much as I want and still be happy.

Nick: Cece, good news. I'm making you bar manager! Yeah, I finally want to focus on my writing. And you can implement all the ideas that you've been suggesting.
Cece: All I said was that the ladies' bathroom needs more toilet paper.
Nick: And I want you to implement that... as manager.
Cece: All right.
Nick: Cece, this could be your whole future. What do you say?
Cece: "Whole future" makes it seem like I'm gonna grow old and die there, which is terrifying.
Nick: Oh, yeah, but... yeah...
Cece: I mean, I could use the money...
Nick: See, that's what I'm saying! You could use the money! If you break it down hourly, it's less money.
Cece: Okay.
Nick: Don't do that math.

Jess: Good. Now back to my thing. I'm ready! Oh, sorry. To start dating again.
Cece: Oh. That's great. I'm so proud of you.
Jess: Thanks.
Nick: Me, too. About time you got Dr. Sam out of your system. Here's a prescription for the doctor. Who needs him? [laughing]

Winston: Schmidt, just so we're clear. When you say you're a seven breathing down a six's back, [whispering] are you referring to Cece? Is she the six?

Jess: Look, you're just shaking the rust off. You got to run the faucet till the brown runs out. Speaking of which, I have to do the same. Don't wait up. [chuckles] Hey, squats, good news. I'm dating again.
Man: No, thank you.
Jess: Never mind. Okay. [to Schmidt] What the hell? I used to be so good at dating.
Schmidt: I don't think you were.
Jess: I had a thing a certain type responded to.

Robby: Oh. It's a colon drop? Uh, I didn't order this.
Jess: Is it just me or is it colon here?
Robby: [laughs] Yeah.

Woman: Hi, there. Hey, the birds on your shirt look a little lonely. Maybe they could use some company?
Winston: Nah. They find it very fulfilling to play amongst themselves.
Woman: Find me if they change their mind.
Winston: [to his shirt] Was she hitting on us?

Donovan: Hey, what can I get you?
Nick: I guess I'll get some calamari and some soup. What's the soup of the day? Actually, what I'm talking about? This is my bar. Who are you?
Cece: Oh, Nick, this is Donovan, the new bartender I hired.

Schmidt: Anyway, how was your date?
Jess: It was great and then it was disastrous.
Schmidt: Oh, so you had sex with him?
Jess: No. The opposite.
Schmidt: The opposite? So, you gave birth to him?