Big Schmidt: Oh, these people are real desert-y. I don't think this is the kind of place where you're gonna want to s...
Schmidt: [loud thud] Somebody watch that.
J. Cronkite Valley-Forge: I must say, this is not my favorite sort of white people in here.
Nick: Me neither. My favorite kind of white people are redheads with high socks. Male or female.

Big Schmidt: Hey, hey, hey, huh?
Winston: Welcome fellow groomsmen. Big Schmidt, your minivan is sweet as hell, dude.
Big Schmidt: Yeah. Well, you know, I got it for the kids, but, uh, it's not quite the chick magnet I was hoping for.
Winston: Yeah, of course not.
Big Schmidt: I mean, I-I am straight hounding for some Sin City strange, you know. I don't care if it's a man, woman, or child.
J. Cronkite Valley-Forge: You really should care if it's a child.
Winston: Yeah, them kids, man.
Robby: Yeah, no children.
Big Schmidt: No. God, God, of course not. You know, that's not what I'm saying. I was just listing...

Nick: [to Schmidt] What is going on with you?
Cece: Yeah, babe. Just because a scary man yelled his name in your face doesn't mean you can't like sake baths.