Schmidt Quote #968
Quote from Schmidt in Jury Duty
Nick: Okay. I got you a little something. It's just to trade with. It's currency in there. I don't know.
Jess: Oh, that's so sweet, Nick. Um, but you know I'm not going to prison, right?
Nick: As long as you're free right here, you're never in prison.
Schmidt: I bought you this burner from an unmarked storefront in Koreatown. I believe it's small enough to conceal in the waistband of your underpants.
Jess: Oh, thank you, but...
Winston: It's four walls. They can't hold you, though.
Cece: Make friends with big ladies.
Winston: Keep your head up.
Jess: [chuckles] Okay.
Schmidt: Make sure to put, uh, toilet tissue down on the toilet seat.
Nick: Never sleep.
Jess: Thanks.
Schmidt: Make your toothbrush into a shiv.
Nick: Everything's a weapon.
Winston: See, hate put you in there, but love gonna bust you out.
Schmidt: Don't be afraid to put two layers of toilet tissue down.
New Girl Quotes
‘Jury Duty’ Quotes
Quote from Cece
Jess: [on the phone] Guys, I need to go in right now. What do I do?
Nick: Whatever the trial's about, I say I don't believe in it.
Cece: Just tell them that your parents are Pakistani militants. That's what I do; works every time. Yeah.
Nick: Why'd you have an accent when you said "Pakistani"?
Cece: Because that's actually how you pronounce it.
Nick: "Pakazani"?
Quote from Nick
Schmidt: So why don't we just sit down and... and talk this out like adults?
Nick: I would love to, Schmidty, but where will we sit?
Cece: Okay.
Nick: Oh, perhaps we'll sit on this pile of uneaten carrots. It's like I'm living with Secretariat, the horse! [laughs]
Schmidt: He's hilarious.
Nick: On the plus side, I'm being very witty during this fight!
Quote from Nick
Schmidt: First clause: "If a roommate has five or more grooming products in the bathroom, they must use a shower caddy or pay an additional ten dollars in rent, adjusted every two years for inflation." I currently pay an additional $11.97 in rent.
Cece: Okay, yeah, well, I'm not using a shower caddy, because I'm an adult woman and I don't live in a dorm.
Nick: Have you been to a dorm recently? It's like a spa. Those horny texters live like kings.
Winston: Nick is really damaging this negotiation.