Jess Quote #935
Jess: [answers phone] Dr. Foster, is everything okay?
Dr. Foster: J.D.? It ain't. I decided I was gonna be Marcus the Meerkat, because, you know, you and I have remarkably similar body shapes.
Jess: Okay. Um, what's the problem?
Dr. Foster: I fell and shattered my hip.
Jess: Oh, God! I'm so sorry. How bad is it?
Dr. Foster: The, uh, paramedic described my left leg as a skin bag full of hip shards? A skin... a skin bag full of hip shards. You're gonna have to take over my duties. We are talking about the big job: acting principal.
Jess: Yes! I'd love to! Oh... but my number just got called.
Dr. Foster: Well, that means the district's gonna be bringing in Becky Cavatappi.
Jess: Ugh!
Dr. Foster: They've been pushing her for my job.
Jess: She has fake zoomers. What kind of message does that send to girls with growing zoomers?
Dr. Foster: I think she had her butt done, too. Every time she runs, that thing sounds like an Indian rain stick.
Jess: I really want to be principal, so, um... I'll be there. Uh, I'll just have to, uh... get out of jury duty.
Dr. Foster: I'll talk to you soon! [shrieks in pain]
Jess: [to a photograph of President Obama] Sorry. It's a tense situation.
New Girl Quotes
‘Jury Duty’ Quotes
Quote from Cece
Jess: [on the phone] Guys, I need to go in right now. What do I do?
Nick: Whatever the trial's about, I say I don't believe in it.
Cece: Just tell them that your parents are Pakistani militants. That's what I do; works every time. Yeah.
Nick: Why'd you have an accent when you said "Pakistani"?
Cece: Because that's actually how you pronounce it.
Nick: "Pakazani"?
Quote from Nick
Schmidt: So why don't we just sit down and... and talk this out like adults?
Nick: I would love to, Schmidty, but where will we sit?
Cece: Okay.
Nick: Oh, perhaps we'll sit on this pile of uneaten carrots. It's like I'm living with Secretariat, the horse! [laughs]
Schmidt: He's hilarious.
Nick: On the plus side, I'm being very witty during this fight!
Quote from Nick
Schmidt: First clause: "If a roommate has five or more grooming products in the bathroom, they must use a shower caddy or pay an additional ten dollars in rent, adjusted every two years for inflation." I currently pay an additional $11.97 in rent.
Cece: Okay, yeah, well, I'm not using a shower caddy, because I'm an adult woman and I don't live in a dorm.
Nick: Have you been to a dorm recently? It's like a spa. Those horny texters live like kings.
Winston: Nick is really damaging this negotiation.