Coach Quote #199
Quote from Coach in Panty Gate
Coach: In 40 years, when we're old and... a mess of fat, loose skin hanging, I have boobs, and you've got hair on your face... Holding my rock sack while I'm sitting on the toilet so it doesn't fall in the water.
May: What are you saying?
Coach: I'm saying, as you get older, your testicles lengthen. [scoffs] No, what I'm saying is I love you.
May: Oh.
Coach: And that I would be a fool if I let you leave to New York without even fighting for us.
May: Ernie... I love you, too. But I... I can't stay here.
Coach: I don't want you to stay here. Um... look, I know we haven't been dating that long, and, um, this might seem crazy, but I was won...
May: Will you move to New York with me?
Coach: Yes! That! That's what I...
May: Yes?!
Coach: Yeah, that's what I wanted to do, yeah.
New Girl Quotes
‘Panty Gate’ Quotes
Quote from Coach
Coach: And that... is how babies get made. It's gross, right?
Grace: How does the sperm find the egg?
Coach: Propelled by its tail, the sperm travels up the canal until it reaches the egg. Now, for us, it's only a couple of inches, but for Mr. Sperm there, it's miles away. Miles and miles and miles away. [sighs] It's almost like... why would the egg want to be so far away from the sperm? You know? Like, didn't the egg and the sperm have a great time together? And then you're just gonna pack your bags and leave and go to New York? To play music with some other sperm. You're just-just gonna leave? You're gonna leave your sperm and go play music with other sperms?! [high-pitched] And I'm cool with that! I'm cool with that! You know, I got eggs. I have eggs on deck! This sperm got swag. All those other sperms ain't got swag like me. Can any other sperm sport this much green and still look dope? No! That ain't tight! This is tight! This is tight! [crying] I just want you to come back, and I... [sniffles]
Jess: I guess I chose the wrong day to observe Health.
Coach: [o.s., crying] I miss her! May!
Quote from Schmidt
Fawn Moscato: I mean, what do you want? I can get you anything you want. You'll be rich, I'll be powerful.
Schmidt: I'm realizing... just now that it's not what I want. I don't want any of that. I want to be in love. I want to be... I want to be crazy in love.
Fawn Moscato: Okay, well, certainly don't quote Beyoncé and then pretend like you just thought of it.
Schmidt: Uh, uh, I want to be drunk in love.
Fawn Moscato: But that's also a Beyoncé lyric.
Quote from Nick
Winston: I've never seen Coach go this hard after a breakup, man. You sure he's okay?
Nick: It's good, it's good, it's good. You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol, you treat an inside wound
with drinking alcohol. That's science.
Coach: I feel that, man.