New Girl - Coach Quote #181
Schmidt: Wait a minute, is your e-mail address [email protected]?
Coach: Yeah, man. Picked it in college. It's just gonna follow me from job to job, ISP to ISP. We've been everywhere together, brotha. Never done .org or a .gov. I would never do that.
Coach: But every other damn domain.
Schmidt: You can't e-mail a girl like May from an e-mail address like owwMeSoErnie. Although, you did got a job at a school, so what do I know?
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: Where is it? We've got to hunt it down. We got to have a spiderhunt.
Nick: We're not having one of those.
Coach: No, dude, no more spiderhunts.
Schmidt: Guys, they're all over me!
Jess: This is childish, and you need to get over it.
Schmidt: Jess, would you please? You know this fear comes from a very real place-- 1999. American Pie was sweeping the nation. And everybody was doing it with pies. I just happened to accidentally fall asleep right afterwards. And when I awoke, the dried apple filling was... it just had attracted so many spiders, and they were all over it, and I...
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: I can hear it. I can hear it building its house. Building its sticky, deadly house that you can never leave. Building it. With its ass.
Quote from Coach
Jess: Okay, everyone was doing it with pies?
Coach: Well, Y2K was an uncertain time.
Nick: I don't know "everyone," Jess.
Coach: I might have dabbled.
Quote from Fired Up
Coach: I'm what?
Jess: We had to do budget cuts, and we have to let two people go, and you're my friend, and I couldn't stop it. I'm so sorry.
[The boys' basketball team runs in with a custom-made jacket for Coach]
Boy: We all pitched in.
Coach: Thanks, guys. I'm not coach anymore. I'm just Coach.
Quote from Dance
Coach: You three are the worst chaperones possible on earth. A dog would be better than you. A plant wearing underwear would be better than you. Ray Charles' ghost would be better than you! Wh- What kind of men are you?
Quote from Homecoming
Jess: God, it's a perfect fall New York day. I'm almost sorry we're leaving.
Coach: What the hell is going on? Were you not gonna call me? How long you been here?
Nick: We literally just got here.
Jess: Well, we were gonna go...
Schmidt: I had a, uh...
Coach: If I wasn't... If I didn't just run into you, you guys would have just been... The only reason I'm not pissed... it's because I've been in L.A. like five times. So... we're good. [all cheering] I've got other friends.