New Girl - Coach Quote #179

Quote from Coach in Spiderhunt

Coach: Do you think a good subject line is "The Inside of You"?
Schmidt: Hey, you know, I bet I could spot this spider a lot better if I was on your shoulders.
Coach: Do not ask me again to get on my shoulders. That's a once-a-year thing, and you already used it on Halloween, when we were ten-foot-tall Ralph Macchio.
[flashback to them struggling to get into the elevator as a ten-foot-tall Karate Kid]
Schmidt: That was cool.
Coach: I didn't like that. I could feel your genitals on the back of my neck like an airplane pillow.

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‘Spiderhunt’ Quotes

Quote from Coach

Schmidt: Wait a minute, is your e-mail address [email protected]?
Winston: Still?
Coach: Yeah, man. Picked it in college. It's just gonna follow me from job to job, ISP to ISP. We've been everywhere together, brotha. Never done .org or a .gov. I would never do that.
Winston: Right.
Coach: But every other damn domain.
Schmidt: You can't e-mail a girl like May from an e-mail address like owwMeSoErnie. Although, you did got a job at a school, so what do I know?

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Where is it? We've got to hunt it down. We got to have a spiderhunt.
Nick: We're not having one of those.
Coach: No, dude, no more spiderhunts.
Schmidt: Guys, they're all over me!
Jess: This is childish, and you need to get over it.
Schmidt: Jess, would you please? You know this fear comes from a very real place-- 1999. American Pie was sweeping the nation. And everybody was doing it with pies. I just happened to accidentally fall asleep right afterwards. And when I awoke, the dried apple filling was... it just had attracted so many spiders, and they were all over it, and I...

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: I can hear it. I can hear it building its house. Building its sticky, deadly house that you can never leave. Building it. With its ass.

Coach Quotes

Quote from Spiderhunt

Schmidt: Wait a minute, is your e-mail address [email protected]?
Winston: Still?
Coach: Yeah, man. Picked it in college. It's just gonna follow me from job to job, ISP to ISP. We've been everywhere together, brotha. Never done .org or a .gov. I would never do that.
Winston: Right.
Coach: But every other damn domain.
Schmidt: You can't e-mail a girl like May from an e-mail address like owwMeSoErnie. Although, you did got a job at a school, so what do I know?

Quote from Fired Up

Coach: I'm what?
Jess: We had to do budget cuts, and we have to let two people go, and you're my friend, and I couldn't stop it. I'm so sorry.
[The boys' basketball team runs in with a custom-made jacket for Coach]
Boy: We all pitched in.
Coach: Thanks, guys. I'm not coach anymore. I'm just Coach.

Quote from Dance

Coach: You three are the worst chaperones possible on earth. A dog would be better than you. A plant wearing underwear would be better than you. Ray Charles' ghost would be better than you! Wh- What kind of men are you?