Schmidt: And time! All right. Let's see what you got. "I am the Karduthian champion of... of dance." "Beer bread."
Nick: Beard bread. Bread that is in your beard.
Schmidt: That's an... that's an invention? Or is that just something that happens to you? You think Hewlett had to put up with this crap from Packard? Again.
Nick: Oh, now I'm Packard? Enough!
Schmidt: You can't come up with a good idea being all loosey-goosey.
Nick: Why don't you tell that to Howard Hughes, the inventor of the Loose Goose?
Schmidt: That was the Spruce Goose, and it didn't work!
Nick: It did work! It flew for over a mile at an altitude of 72 feet!
Schmidt: How on Earth do you know that information and not know the name of it?

Winston: Hey, check it out. I'm a campus cutie.
Cece: No, you are not.
Winston: What are we learning?
Cece: Shh! I am studying Postwar British Art History.
Coach: What?
Winston: Post Br-British who? What's that?
Coach: That's just a bunch of words that mean "Screw you, investors." What else you taking?
Cece: Intro to Afrikaans.
Coach: What else? Astronomy 101?
Cece: That's next semester.
Coach: Wow.
Winston: What you gonna do, Cece, join the South African space program and be the first woman to put a David Hockney painting on the moon? Who is David Hockney?

Coach: This is an investment. Nick and Schmidt are looking for investors, so we thought it would be fun if we got into investing, too.
Coach: You're smart, you're driven. We are confident in a very robust ROI.
Winston: ROI means "Return on Investment."
Cece: I know what it stands for.
Winston: I've been reading a lot of Schmidt's investment books in the toilet. Life hack: the toilet paper makes for a very, very handy bookmark.
Coach: Life hack: read your phone on the toilet like everybody else.
Winston: Ooh.