Schmidt Quote #857
Jess: So you're taking her out to dinner? That's your plan?
Schmidt: I'm intoxicating a single, overworked public official with the pleasure of my company. Which I will then parlay into getting her to fix our problem. Are my sleeves even? This is ridiculous. You know, my new tailor sews like an army medic. I'm not being overdramatic when I say that I would rather sit naked on a hot grill than wear something off the rack.
Quote from Schmidt
Jess: You can't let her do this! We have to keep fighting!
Schmidt: She's taking me to a ribbon-cutting ceremony at a carniceria tomorrow. You know, Jess, I really think that she may be grooming me to be her arm candy. This could be a real Bill and Hillary situation.
Jess: You, sir, are no Bill Clinton.
Schmidt: I know. I'm Hillary.
Jess: Well, you're not Hillary, either!
Schmidt: I am, too, Hillary!
Quote from Godparents
Schmidt: Oh, no. Ruth hasn't been signed out. Um, excuse me. Um, have you seen Ruth? Brown hair, smile that would shake the earth, hates peas?
Girl: A white man broke in today.
Schmidt: A... a white man?! No! Well, what did security do about it?!
Quote from Wig
Schmidt: You know, when we first met, I had to pretend that all kinds of things were wrong with you just so I wouldn't freak out. You know, like, I gave you a glass eye for a while. You had a wooden foot for a short period of time. There was one week where I pretended that you were a Democrat.
Cece: I am a Democrat.
Schmidt: [laughing] Ah, that's so funny. I love you.
Cece: Okay. So we tell Nick she has a glass eye.
Schmidt: He'll spin out. He'll think the eye is a government-issued camera taking pictures for Langley. [Cece scoffs] Nick's a conspiracy theorist. It's like an Irish carnival up there-- just potato peels, broken rides, fiddle music, dreams left unfulfilled, bloodied soccer jerseys, bunch of women limping around named Moira.