Cece: It was Mark-Paul Gosselaar.
Schmidt: What? You... you were... you were with Zack Morris?
Cece: Mm-hmm.
Schmidt: Guy's a frigging god. I mean, all right. I've... I surrender. That's awes... Can I come to the wedding? [Cece laughs] You think Slater and Screech are gonna be there?
Cece: [laughing] I'm kidding. I just wanted to see you freak out.
Schmidt: You really had me going there for a second.
Cece: [laughs] It works every time with you. It's amazing. Now...
Schmidt: There was a real second there where I had bad feelings towards Mark-Paul Gosselaar, and I didn't like any moment of that. How dare you. Don't ever do that to me again.

Nick: When I was nine years old, I fed cereal flakes to a frog, and it died. Then I went into a period of time where I fed cereal flakes to all little animals. Squirrels can live through it, chipmunks can live through it. Anything that lives half in and out of water dies, and I don't understand why. When I was ten, I once walked by my mother sleeping, and I snuck in the room, and I put a lemon in her mouth. When I was 11, I once tried on my girl cousin's wool tights, and I didn't hate the way it felt!
Sergeant Dorado: Why are you telling me this?
Nick: Because you said you wanted to hear everything! My sixteenth year, I never got an erection. I thought they were done. I thought my penis was dead. It wasn't.

Sergeant Dorado: Will somebody answer the question so I can write it on the form and we can get on with our lives? Why would Bishop make a good police officer?
Nick: Mustache.
Sergeant Dorado: I'm sorry?
Nick: Because, uh, Winston has a mustache. And, uh, police officers all have mustaches. No, they don't. Not the ladies. Unless the ladies want to. Why can't a lady have a mustache? She can. And it would look sexy. Would you like a green grape shoved in your... given to your mouth? Handed to your mouth?