Jess Quote #727
Matt: Wait, wait... Jess, I can explain.
Jess: Okay, why are you not running after your girlfriend right now?
Matt: Aah, if I'm being totally honest, she was getting a little fat.
Jess: No, she was... that's crazy!
Matt: I wouldn't behave like this if someone, just once... Just once, took the time to get to know...
Jess: You're not even crying! You are unbelievable! Is anything about you real? Anything? Do you even have a micro penis, or is that...? [Matt flashes her] It... it... looks like a... little tiny... pigeon's egg.
Matt: Don't you want to hatch the bird?
Jess: No, I definitely, definitely do not. You're... you're a very complicated person. Um... But I'm glad I met you. Sort of. I mean, I don't know why, but... I kind of am. Anyway, take care of that little rug-rat. He needs you.
New Girl Quotes
‘Micro’ Quotes
Quote from Schmidt
Cece: Hey! Okay, so you guys are kind of bringing the bar vibe down, and I need tips, so... pretend that you're having fun or pay for me to go to college.
Schmidt: You know, if I could give that poor man some of my penis, I would. But, obviously, you don't pull a bumper off a Ferrari.
Cece: It did go fast, I'll give it that. [Coach snorts]
Schmidt: You know, when I look at that picture, I think to myself, "Is there a God? And if-if there is, did he run out of clay?"
Quote from Coach
Coach: Can you tell Schmidt that my portfolio is way better than his portfolio? I'm better wet, I'm better dry, my sexy baby is way more believable than his. Watch, look... mama change baby 'cause baby made a dirty...
Schmidt: Okay, mine is way more sexy. There are people lining up in the streets to have sex with my baby.
Coach: Liar!
Jess: I don't like this.
Coach: You can't use that photo, unless you're planning on posing for the tiny nipples of America foundation.
Schmidt: Yeah, you're one to talk, Little Miss Princess Waist!
Coach: Hey, I'm a 26! That's normal!
Nick: Yeah, in Asia.
Coach: Who's talking to you, depression-era garbage man? I've been holding that in for two years.