New Girl - Coach Quote #73
Coach: You three are the worst chaperones possible on earth. A dog would be better than you. A plant wearing underwear would be better than you. Ray Charles' ghost would be better than you! Wh- What kind of men are you?
Quote from Jess
Jess: There are two ways this can go. Number one: you tell us why you ruined the dance. Number two: I bash your skull in with a carburetor!
Cece: I thought I was bad cop.
Jess: You are the bad cop. I'm the tough, competent cop, who's good at her job, you're the kind of fumbly, dumb cop who's nice and...
Cece: Yeah, that's not how it works, though. I mean, the good cop is nice and the bad cop is mean.
Jess: That would be nice cop, mean cop.
Cece: That's how it works on every cop show, when you watch it.
Jess: I watch cop shows.
Cece: You need to pay more attention.
Jess: I do pay attention.
Quote from Jess
Jess: Thanks for helping me with my school dance.
Cece: "Love is Forever, ever, ever..." - How many "and ever"s?
Jess: Technically infinity, but I could only fit 12.
Quote from Winston
Winston: [girls scream] Gonna be a cop, straight walking a beat Role model, out on the street Unless I get assigned to a desk, which is also vital Because when paperwork slides, that's how you get a mistrial When I say "miss," you say "trial." Miss.
Winston: I said, when I say "miss," you say "trial." Miss, unless you trying to die.
Nick: What, are you nuts?
Winston: Then know who you are.
Quote from Fired Up
Coach: I'm what?
Jess: We had to do budget cuts, and we have to let two people go, and you're my friend, and I couldn't stop it. I'm so sorry.
[The boys' basketball team runs in with a custom-made jacket for Coach]
Boy: We all pitched in.
Coach: Thanks, guys. I'm not coach anymore. I'm just Coach.
Quote from Spiderhunt
Schmidt: Wait a minute, is your e-mail address [email protected]?
Coach: Yeah, man. Picked it in college. It's just gonna follow me from job to job, ISP to ISP. We've been everywhere together, brotha. Never done .org or a .gov. I would never do that.
Coach: But every other damn domain.
Schmidt: You can't e-mail a girl like May from an e-mail address like owwMeSoErnie. Although, you did got a job at a school, so what do I know?
Quote from Homecoming
Jess: God, it's a perfect fall New York day. I'm almost sorry we're leaving.
Coach: What the hell is going on? Were you not gonna call me? How long you been here?
Nick: We literally just got here.
Jess: Well, we were gonna go...
Schmidt: I had a, uh...
Coach: If I wasn't... If I didn't just run into you, you guys would have just been... The only reason I'm not pissed... it's because I've been in L.A. like five times. So... we're good. [all cheering] I've got other friends.