Jess: I don't understand. You guys talked for 30 minutes. How did our relationship not come up?
Nick: 'Cause I got scared. There were so many things that I wanted to tell her.
[flashback:]
Nick: You ever thought how weird it would be if you just gave up your thumb? You just didn't have a thumb. I mean, how would you give a thumbs up? Just like this? [cut] I think a guy died in the building, 'cause one day in the Dumpster is a bunch of clothes that just fit me. [cut; British accent:] What I like to do now is take the Underground, yeah? Spend my quid. Cheers?

Jess: I did not steal your boyfriend.
Caroline: Timeline. Now.
Jess: Okay, um you and Nick break up. London has a great Olympics. Uh-oh, trouble in Syria. Board up your windows. Superstorm Sandy. Hey, over here. Me and Nick get together.

Schmidt: Oh, what's that? Uh, you want to watch the game? Which one? Basketball? Football? Of Thrones?
Winston: Oh! That is awesome, man. Look at this place, Schmidt. You got so many plush surfaces.
Schmidt: Well, there are 15 different bang spots in here, each one specifically designated to its own sexual position.
Winston: Mm.
Schmidt: That's standing, this is sitting, that's diagonal.
Winston: That's how I do it.
Schmidt: The "Why? Why? Because." The "Closure of the Lincoln Tunnel." The "Red Beanbag Chair." Which is pretty obvious, but, you know, that's a good one. The "Glass Menagerie." The "Bike Share."