Winston Quote #136

Quote from Winston in Menzies

Winston: You have to promise me you will not laugh.
Schmidt: Look, I'm... you're not talking to Nick, here. You're talking to Schmidt.
Winston: Schmidt, I think I'm getting my period.
Schmidt: [keeping a straight face] Okay.
Winston: This is a real thing, okay? I looked it up on the Internet. It's called, uh, "sympathy PMS," right? Now, apparently this is an affliction that men suffer from all the time.
Schmidt: Right on. [stifles a giggle]
Winston: I don't know how it happened, man, but somehow, I got on that woman's cycle of menstruation... and I got that menstruation inside of me.
Schmidt: Winston! Men can't get their periods. Where would they put the tampon?
Winston: Hey! Are you calling me stupid? You're the one that's stupid, okay? You jack-faced butthole!

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 ‘Menzies’ Quotes

Quote from Jess

Jess: It hurts. I feel like I've laid a million eggs and they're all hatching. I feel like I want to murder someone, and also I want soft pretzels.
Winston: You know what? I feel the same way.
Jess: Shut up! Shut up, you! 'Cause I don't want to hear it! I've had it! If any of you cross me, I'm gonna kick the testicles clean off your body! Clean off! You'll look like Ken dolls down there. Because that's where I'm at right now. Now which one of you guys wants to tell me to get a job? Hmm? Who wants to look me in the face and tell me to get a job?

Quote from Nick

Nick: I don't think it's fair that women have an excuse once a month to act irrationally angry when the rest of us have to keep it together all the time.
Jess: You're irrationally angry 365 days a year, Nick.
Nick: What are you talking about?
[flashback to Nick struggling with a door:]
Nick: I will push if I want to push! Come on! I hate doors!
[present:]
Nick: Really? Well, that's just your personal opinion, 'cause I don't have anger issues. You guys think I have anger issues?
Schmidt: Well, I mean, I wouldn't exactly call it an issue. An issue is something you can fix.
Winston: Been that way since I can remember.
[flashback to Young Nick at a lemonade stand:]
Young Nick: This is some watered-down nonsense. You're some no-good shysters!

Quote from Jess

Schmidt: Now, what are you going to do about it? How are you gonna pay the gas bill?
Jess: I don't know.
Nick: I've got an idea. Get a job.
Jess: The school year's already started. I have a lot of decisions to make as far as my résumé is concerned. I have to choose a font, spacing, columns...
Nick: Okay, just update your résumé, you ninny.