Jess: Okay, fine, I don't know where the vacuum is. That is one reason why I came here, but I really want you to come home. Everything's falling apart without you. Nick and Winston are fighting all the time. And all of us lost our keys to the mailbox. Schmidt, just listen to me, because you don't belong here, like, really. Do you remember when you got yourself off to An Inconvenient Truth? How about when you dress up like Shia Labeouf from Wall Street Two for Halloween? Do you remember when you said jazz music was America's greatest mistake?
Schmidt: Say it in drums, Jessica Day. Me hablo drums.

Winston: Okay, this is a good segue. [sighs] Um, can I talk to you about something that's kind of tough?
Nick: Yeah, man, shoot.
Winston: [reading] "The subject of this talk is the debt of money between us. I feel that..."
Nick: Oh, man! I thought this was about something serious. You set that up like it was about something different. This is about the poker? Oh, I'll pay you your money. Relax.
Winston: "If I am reading this section, then I can only assume you have told me to relax.
Nick: You wrote that?
Winston: "Let me assure you I am very relaxed, although I have good reason not to be, as you owe me a very large sum."
Nick: I will pay you the money, you clown.
Winston: "I am aware that we're both broke, one of us embarrassingly so. Points to Nick. I have recently tumbled down the socioeconomic ladder and have hit rock bottom, where you, Nick Miller, have been waiting patiently for the past 15 years. But I want that money. Give me my money. I really mean it. It's my money. You owe me that money, so give me my money."
Nick: Seriously. Are you finished?
Winston: "Where is the money, dude?"
Nick: You wrote "dude"?
Winston: "But I am not without pity. I am willing to just call it an even $200."

Jess: Can you believe I found this on the street? Who would want to throw this away?
Schmidt: A blind man who suddenly recovered his sight? Get rid of it, Jess ... pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.