Jess Quote #116
Quote from Jess in Jess and Julia
Julia: Well, I guess we're never going to know if the bird defense works. Such a bummer, too. We have this pool at my office.
Jess: Okay. Hey! I got something to say to you, man.
Julia: What?
Jess: I brake for birds. I rock a lot of polka dots. I have touched glitter in the last 24 hours. I spend my entire day talking to children. And I find it fundamentally strange that you're not a dessert person. That's just weird, and it freaks me out. And I'm sorry I don't talk like Murphy Brown. And I hate your pantsuit. I wish it had ribbons on it or something to make it just slightly cuter. And that doesn't mean I'm not smart and tough and strong.
Julia: Okay.
Jess: And I know you like Nick, and I'm not trying to interfere, but you should just talk to him about it.
Julia: Are you done?
Jess: I am almost done. I'm about to go and pay this $800 fine, and my checks have baby farm animals on them, bitch. [walks off]
Julia: That's the wrong way. [Jess turns back]
New Girl Quotes
‘Jess and Julia’ Quotes
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: Damp! Damn it! Everybody ... bathroom now!
Jess: What's up, Dad?
Nick: What, Schmidt?
Schmidt: Is someone playing a joke on me? Honestly, why is my towel still damp?
Nick: 'cause it's not your towel. It's my towel, Schmidt.
Schmidt: No, it's not your towel. Your towel is the red one.
Nick: I'll tell you this, pal. I've never used that. I do use that one every single day.
Schmidt: Oh, God. [gags]
Quote from Nick
Schmidt: How do you think this is your towel? Do you even wash it?
Nick: No, I don't wash the towel; the towel washes me. Who washes a towel?
Julia: You never wash...?
Nick: You wash your towel?
Schmidt: You never wash the towel?
Nick: What am I going to do? Wash the shower next? Wash a bar of soap? You got to think here, pal.
Schmidt: I'm furious right now.
Nick: I get out of the damn shower, I'm clean as a damn baby, and I use the towel.
Schmidt: Let me ask you this. Have you been wearing my underpants?
Nick: Sometimes, yeah. Who cares? [Schmidt gags] You guys don't wear each other's underpants? You're lying. We all wear each other's underwear.
Quote from Winston
Winston: So, um... your place or mine?
Shelby: [laughs]
Winston: What are we laughing at?
Shelby: How much I'm not going home with you tonight. [laughs] You show up after two years, out of the blue, and all you do is talk about yourself. You don't even let me get a word in edgewise.
Winston: Why did you agree to let me take you out for drinks?
Shelby: Winston, you took me out for a drink at the place where I work! Here's your bill. Thanks for the water.
Winston: Man, I told you to get yourself whatever you wanted. You chose water.