Winston: Give her the shirt back, man.
Spencer: What happens if I say no?
Schmidt: You know what happens? Schmidt happens! [slaps Spencer]
Spencer: Ow. What's on your hand?
Schmidt: Thumb ring, bitch! You got some Schmidt on your face!

Schmidt: Can I ask you something?
Jess: You wan't my help? Sure.
Schmidt: You consider me a sexy man, correct?
Jess: I don't know how to answer that question.
Schmidt: Okay, look, I'm meeting a girl for drinks tonight, and I'm probably going to bring her back here for sex.
Jess: I have to get to school cause it's astronomy day and I'm dressing up like Galileo, so I have to put on my beard.
Schmidt: I get that, but as a lady, where in the room do I look sexiest? You know like, like where am I best on display? Here? Here? Or... here?

[Jess kicks opens the door, walks in and places the breakfast tray own on the floor so loudly that it wakes Winston up]
Winston: What the... What the... Who?
Jess: I'm Jess.
[from the kitchen:]
Jess: [o.s., sings] I'm Je.....ss!
Winston: [o.s. loudly] What's happening?! Why are you doing that?!