Jess Quote #1314
Jess: Judith is gonna be here any minute, and I need you to test me. I looked up "cute dog" on the Internet, and I printed out a bunch of images, so I just need you to shove a cute dog in my face until I find something disgusting about it.
Nick: I can do that.
Jess: Oh. He's so teeny tiny... that he fits in his food bowl. And he climbed in. He wiggled around. [laughs] He knocked all his food out. Which sucks, because there are so many starving people in the world. Next dog.
Nick: Now we're talking. Good.
Jess: I know what I hate, but I'm not sure what you're gonna hate.
Jess [laughs] Oh, my God. I want to like this little lug.
Nick: Jess, what do you hate about this dog?
Jess: She's wearing a princess costume, which enforces gender stereotypes in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable. Next dog.
Nick: I hate to do this one to you.
Jess: No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Nick: What do you dislike strongly?
Jess: Is this guy rocking a jean jacket?
Nick: Unfortunately, yes.
Jess: I don't hate that!
New Girl Quotes
‘Mario’ Quotes
Quote from Cece
Schmidt: How can I survive another nine months of pregnant Cece? She was so mean to me.
[flashback:]
Schmidt: I got your wings, my love.
Cece: I wanted all flats, no drumlets! Do they look flat to you?! [muffled grunting] Do they look flat to you?!
[present:]
Schmidt: She tried to jam the business end of a drumlet straight up my tuchus. And then things got worse. I can only describe what I experienced next as... anti-Semitic.
[flashback:]
Cece: Hey, gefilte face! Quit playing "Where's My Foreskin?" and get in here and rub my feet before I divorce your Yentl-loving, Ashkenazi ass!
Quote from Cece
Cece: Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I was a little bit moody while I was creating life with my body. Aly, can you believe this?
Aly: Well...
Cece: Well?
Aly: Okay, d-don't be mad, but I have never, ever seen anyone be pregnant the way that you were pregnant. So much so that, for evidence, I decided to capture it on my phone.
Cece: [on phone video] What genius got us a Jolly Jumper? Who got us the Jol... Okay, Vandana Auntie, way to go. You see, we already have a Jolly Jumper. So put the tuna salad down. Put it down! Tuna salad is for people who use the registry. Boo! Everybody boo. Why are you not booing?!
Quote from Cece
Schmidt: Even after seeing all those videos, I still want to have another baby with you more than anything else in the whole wide world.
Cece: Me, too, more than anything. Things are gonna be so different this time.
Schmidt: I'm gonna give you so much space.
Cece: I'm gonna be so pro-Semitic, that little beanie you wear on the top of your head is gonna spin.
Schmidt: Feels like a rough start, but I appreciate the effort. Let's go to the hotel.