New Girl - Schmidt Quote #813
Cece: It's a boob reduction, Schmidt. Just accept it.
Schmidt: Acceptance is stage five. I'm grieving, Cece. There are five stages of grief. Stage one was denial.
Schmidt: This is not happening, this is not happening.
Cece: Yes, it is. Yes, it is.
Schmidt: You're not getting a boob reduction.
Cece: Yes, I am.
Schmidt: This is not happening.
Cece: Yes, it is.
Schmidt: Stage two was anger.
Schmidt: Your breasts belong to all of us!
Schmidt: Who are you to decide?!
Schmidt: Next will be stage four, depression. And then stage five, acceptance. But right now, I'm firmly planted in stage three, bargaining. Dear God, if you stop Cece's breast reduction...
Schmidt: I'll circumcise Coach.
Quote from Nick
Nick: When I came out, was it flashy? Was it emotional? Am I mad that Anderson Cooper doesn't fly the flag? Or for what he's doing in his own way-- is it even braver?
Jess: These are all really good questions, but I just can't get my mind off, like, why you dress this way. Why aren't you in better shape?
Nick: Don't put me in a box! There's nothing we gay men hate more than being put in a box.
Nick: Look, maybe I'm a bear, maybe I'm a twinkler.
Jess: That's not a category.
Nick: [loudly] I like rugby for the game and for the men. Now, if you excuse me, I got to go do that gay thing I was telling you about, because, of course, I'm gay as hell. [Jess laughs] Bye.
Jess: [whispers] That's not how gay men talk.
Nick: [whispers] I am shattering stereotypes.
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: All right, let me see the new. I accept it.
Cece: Again, it was just a consultation. And actually, I don't even know if I'm gonna go through with it.
Schmidt: You're still here. I saved you. I'm your Schindler. One day, your children are gonna put rocks on my grave.
Quote from Nick
Nick: Wonder what's taking, uh, Jess so long.
Ian: Well, you know women.
Nick: What's women? [laughs] Am I right?
Ian: "What's women?"
Nick: [chuckles] I just don't know them like you know them, is my point.
Ian: Uh-huh. Uh, so, what kind of guys do you like to date?
Nick: Me? All kinds. Yeah. Hunks. If I can get my, uh, paws on a hunk, I don't let go. Uh, ripped nerds. 'Cause they're smart but strong, I guess.
Nick: I like Spanish guys. Throw in a little, uh, hint of German in there, there's a perfect combo.
Nick: Certain ice cream men, I guess. Carpet steamers. Sleepy guys. Uh, we in the gay community call them "drowsers."
Ian: Why would you like a sleepy guy?
Quote from Godparents
Schmidt: Oh, no. Ruth hasn't been signed out. Um, excuse me. Um, have you seen Ruth? Brown hair, smile that would shake the earth, hates peas?
Girl: A white man broke in today.
Schmidt: A... a white man?! No! Well, what did security do about it?!
Quote from D-Day
Nick: Are you okay? You look gray.
Schmidt: I didn't sleep. I was up preparing for an epic day of wedding decisions. I'm calling it D-Day. Of course, in this situation, the "D" stands for "decisions," and unlike the other D-Day, it will not be a walk on the beach.
Jess: That's incredibly offensive.
Schmidt: I know.
Quote from Wig
Schmidt: You know, when we first met, I had to pretend that all kinds of things were wrong with you just so I wouldn't freak out. You know, like, I gave you a glass eye for a while. You had a wooden foot for a short period of time. There was one week where I pretended that you were a Democrat.
Cece: I am a Democrat.
Schmidt: [laughing] Ah, that's so funny. I love you.
Cece: Okay. So we tell Nick she has a glass eye.
Schmidt: He'll spin out. He'll think the eye is a government-issued camera taking pictures for Langley. [Cece scoffs] Nick's a conspiracy theorist. It's like an Irish carnival up there-- just potato peels, broken rides, fiddle music, dreams left unfulfilled, bloodied soccer jerseys, bunch of women limping around named Moira.