Schmidt Quote #216

Quote from Schmidt in Tomatoes

Schmidt: So... How do you like America?
Nadia: I like salad bar. I like Despicable Me. Tosh 2.0. I like Connect 4, freedom of speech, David Fincher, uh... sidewalk. I like 1-800-SLIM. "Your Mama" jokes. Strawberry. Wilmer "Velmavelma". Leon J. Panetta. Ice skating for fun, not to save life. [laughs]
Schmidt: What are you laughing at?
Nadia: Cheese. Is for mouse. Are you Mick Mouse?
Schmidt: Am I what?
Nadia: Why don't you get in your spaceship like Mick Mouse?
Schmidt: What are you talking about?
Nadia: Mick Mouse.
Schmidt: What is a Mick Mouse?
Nadia: Mick Mouse!
Schmidt: I don't understand what Mick Mouse is!
Nadia: Mick Mouse!
Schmidt: I don't under... I don't... What does that mean? What's a Mick Mouse?
Nadia: Mick Mouse!
Schmidt: Are you saying Mickey Mouse?
Nadia: Yes.
Schmidt: In America, honey, okay, Mickey Mouse, he's earthbound.
Nadia: Let's do sex party. I sex you in face.
Schmidt: You're gonna sex me in my face?

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 ‘Tomatoes’ Quotes

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Are you serious? How do you look this good under fluorescent lights?
Cece: I am so, so sorry. Okay? This is all my fault. I thought... What happened?
Schmidt: [clears throat] Yeah, um... this is embarrassing. I broke my penis.
Cece: You what?
Schmidt: I broke my penis. Things got... I mean, just out of control with Nadia last night. And there was like this one moment where it was just blinding pain. And then there was another moment where I was like watching myself watch myself... I think I finally understand what The Tree of Life is about. And I can't be certain of this, but I'm almost positive that Nadia's vagina contains a right angle.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Oh, my God, my penis is having a heart attack. Don't touch me, don't touch me.
Cece: Okay. I...
Schmidt: You gotta get out of here.
Cece: All right.
Schmidt: I mean, I'd-I'd like... don't bend over! For crying out loud! What are you, nuts? I'm sorry, it's the yoga pants.
Cece: I'm sorry for this, but I... I like you.
Schmidt: And I like you, too, so much. Call a nurse, call a male nurse. Probably a heavy-set male nurse would be nice.
Cece: Bye.
Schmidt: Describe it to them as like a... as a battered highway cone.

 Schmidt Quotes

Quote from Godparents

Schmidt: Oh, no. Ruth hasn't been signed out. Um, excuse me. Um, have you seen Ruth? Brown hair, smile that would shake the earth, hates peas?
Girl: A white man broke in today.
Schmidt: A... a white man?! No! Well, what did security do about it?!
Girl: Nothing.
Schmidt: Typical!

Quote from Wig

Schmidt: You know, when we first met, I had to pretend that all kinds of things were wrong with you just so I wouldn't freak out. You know, like, I gave you a glass eye for a while. You had a wooden foot for a short period of time. There was one week where I pretended that you were a Democrat.
Cece: I am a Democrat.
Schmidt: [laughing] Ah, that's so funny. I love you.
Cece: Okay. So we tell Nick she has a glass eye.
Schmidt: He'll spin out. He'll think the eye is a government-issued camera taking pictures for Langley. [Cece scoffs] Nick's a conspiracy theorist. It's like an Irish carnival up there-- just potato peels, broken rides, fiddle music, dreams left unfulfilled, bloodied soccer jerseys, bunch of women limping around named Moira.