Schmidt Quote #153

Quote from Schmidt in Control

Jess: I can't believe I never noticed this before, but, Schmidt, you are legitimately crazy.
Schmidt: I think we're all a little bit crazy, don't you think, Jess?
Jess: No, I mean, you're like aging-ballerina, child-chess-prodigy, professional-magician crazy.
Schmidt: It's my mom's fault ... you know, I come from a Jewish family, but she used to tell me the reason Santa didn't come to our house was because my room was dirty. The only thing I ever controlled was what I ate. That's why I got fat.
Jess: Yeah, I got fat 'cause I used to eat Concord grape jelly from the jar using a candy bar as a fork.
Schmidt: It's because you didn't have any structure. You know what I mean? That's what happens when you don't have any rules.
Jess: None of these people have rules. Especially that guy. He's wearing ladies' bikini bottoms.
Schmidt: Jess, I'm not like these people, okay? I don't have dreadlocks. I don't own a snake. And I don't understand how these people think that they're relaxed, because they're not ... they just have nothing to do. That's not me. It's not that easy for me.
Jess: Sounds to me like a lot of excuses, Schmidt. Just be spontaneous.


 ‘Control’ Quotes

Quote from Schmidt

Jess: Okay, fine, I don't know where the vacuum is. That is one reason why I came here, but I really want you to come home. Everything's falling apart without you. Nick and Winston are fighting all the time. And all of us lost our keys to the mailbox. Schmidt, just listen to me, because you don't belong here, like, really. Do you remember when you got yourself off to An Inconvenient Truth? How about when you dress up like Shia Labeouf from Wall Street Two for Halloween? Do you remember when you said jazz music was America's greatest mistake?
Schmidt: Say it in drums, Jessica Day. Me hablo drums.

Quote from Schmidt

Jess: Can you believe I found this on the street? Who would want to throw this away?
Schmidt: A blind man who suddenly recovered his sight? Get rid of it, Jess ... pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

 Schmidt Quotes

Quote from Godparents

Schmidt: Oh, no. Ruth hasn't been signed out. Um, excuse me. Um, have you seen Ruth? Brown hair, smile that would shake the earth, hates peas?
Girl: A white man broke in today.
Schmidt: A... a white man?! No! Well, what did security do about it?!
Girl: Nothing.
Schmidt: Typical!

Quote from Wig

Schmidt: You know, when we first met, I had to pretend that all kinds of things were wrong with you just so I wouldn't freak out. You know, like, I gave you a glass eye for a while. You had a wooden foot for a short period of time. There was one week where I pretended that you were a Democrat.
Cece: I am a Democrat.
Schmidt: [laughing] Ah, that's so funny. I love you.
Cece: Okay. So we tell Nick she has a glass eye.
Schmidt: He'll spin out. He'll think the eye is a government-issued camera taking pictures for Langley. [Cece scoffs] Nick's a conspiracy theorist. It's like an Irish carnival up there-- just potato peels, broken rides, fiddle music, dreams left unfulfilled, bloodied soccer jerseys, bunch of women limping around named Moira.