Winston: [ahem] It's hard to believe it's been a whole year since Furguson's departure. As you all know from my many e-mails and a sponsored tweet, I looked at Furguson as Jewish. So, in the Jewish tradition, we unveil his gravestone on the first anniversary of his passing. Furgie accomplished a lot in his time on Earth... eating, sleeping, walking around, doing that thing with his paw. You know, where he licked it a whole bunch? [chuckles] Yeah, he lived a full life. Schmidt, will you begin the service?
Schmidt: Yit'gadal v'yit'kadash sh'mei raba. Amen.
All: Amen.

Jess: Guys, whatever it is going on between you two needs to end now, so we can go back in there and celebrate the life of a cat, who, by the way, loved you both like sons. Now, what is it? Nick, are you mad 'cause Coach said something bad about wolves? Coach, are you mad 'cause he still thinks that the movie should be called Paul Blop: Mall Cop?
Nick: It should be. It's so close to rhyming perfectly. They gave up.
Coach: Blart is an actual last name. "Blop" is a sound effect.
Nick: I need to get out of this situation before I get very angry.

Winston: Oh, my God, he's scared. Man, don't be scared.
Aly: He loves you.
Winston: Yeah, I'm here, okay? Baby, he's not wearing any tags. Which means he's a stray. Can we...?
Aly: Okay, yes, but only if you feed him from one of those bottles like in a zoo documentary, 'cause I like that, that's cute as hell.