Nick: Then why don't you have the confidence to take the stand? The problem is, is you still see yourself as that 10-year-old boy who fainted the first time you went rollerblading. You rolled right into Lake Michigan.
Winston: That did wake me up.
Nick: But you're not that kid. You're a detective now. Married to the love of your life. You have a child on the way. Unburden yourself, Winston. Now, I'm going to ask you one last time. Did you or did you not masturbate?
Winston: I. Did. Not.
Nick: Damn it, Detective.
Winston: I didn't.
Nick: Detective? Did you have intent to pleasure yourself?
Winston: I did.
[flashback:]
Winston: [slow motion] Nick!
[present:]
Winston: I did have the intent, man. But you know how it is when you're a hot-blooded Chicago teenager, man.

Cece: I mean, I kind of liked Triangles. Besides, are we really Lillypads people?
Schmidt: Yes.
Jess: I hope not. That kind of competitive, overpriced private school, B dash, dash, dash, dash, dash, dash, dash... T is the reason why I got out of teaching in the first place.
Cece: What did happen at Banyon Canyon?
Schmidt: Yeah, what did happen at Banyon Canyon?
Jess: You know I can't discuss that until one of four civil lawsuits is settled.
Cece: I know, but what...
Jess: No further questions.

Winston: Look, why am I explaining this to you? You're the one who's supposed to be writing right now. You know what I figured out? You are a procrastinator.
Nick: Said the pro-masturbator.
Winston: You always procrastinate when something is important to you. And you know how I know? January 12, 2001.
Nick: Damn you.
Winston: You drove eight hours across the country to come see me at college, to ask me if I have seen A Bug's Life.
Nick: Oh...
Winston: A Bug's Life. The weekend before your midterms.
Nick: You son of a bitch!