Cece: Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Cece Schmidt. So if any of you have anything else you'd like to say to my husband, I will drag you outside and we will handle this L.A. style. I will take you to the corner of Fairfax and La Brea. [crowd booing]
Winston: Those are parallel streets.
Nick: I'm not telling her that.
Louise: That's my daughter! We have to leave. Where's my car?
Jess: Even though your car is definitely here, it's a beautiful night... let's walk.
Winston: Okay, look, she clearly did something weird with your car, but I got something. Trust us.
Cece: Sepulveda! La Cienega, bitches. El Matador beach.
Schmidt: You're just naming places in Southern California.
Cece: Nickel Canyon!

Jess: God, it's a perfect fall New York day. I'm almost sorry we're leaving.
Coach: What the hell is going on? Were you not gonna call me? How long you been here?
Nick: We literally just got here.
Jess: Well, we were gonna go...
Schmidt: I had a, uh...
Coach: If I wasn't... If I didn't just run into you, you guys would have just been... The only reason I'm not pissed... it's because I've been in L.A. like five times. So... we're good. [all cheering] I've got other friends.

Schmidt: Um... [clears throat] Excuse me, Marissa, I'm very sorry. I... I would just be remiss if I let this moment pass me by. You know, I'm a lucky man. Because I wouldn't be the man that I am today if it weren't for the experiences that I've had right here. So, thank you... for being the worst that humankind has to offer. That includes Harvey Levin and every cast member that's ever been on The Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Thank you for showing me that athletic apparel is something that should never be worn outside the house, you chubby-thumbed pickle hoarders. And in conclusion, you're all ugly. I make money. You just got roasted by the California Kid. I did it! [silence] [Nick applauds]
Marissa: Oh, you sure do talk a lot when your mouth isn't full... Great Neck. [laughter] Thank you, Schmidt. Boy, that was real embarrassing for you, huh?