Jess Quote #986
Jess: [answers phone] Hey, I thought you were de-webbing.
Sam: Well, it took less time than I thought. Yeah, he only wanted his big toe free, so he could wear flip-flops. How's the new car?
Jess: Ugh! Don't make a thing out of it, but I had to ask Nick to be Jeff Day.
Sam: You asked Nick for help, not me?
Jess: Well, you were in surgery, and he was the only person I could find, but he's screwing it up so much that I really wish I'd "Reverse-Tootsie'd."
Sam: Of course he's screwing up. He's a little human porkchop. I'm on my way.
Jess: Wait, don't come. Don't come.
Sam: I could be Jeff Day. I just need to find a fake mustache.
Jess: What is it with you guys and mustaches?
New Girl Quotes
‘Jeff Day’ Quotes
Quote from Nick
Nick: I had him right where I wanted him.
Jess: He's trying to bait and switch us, and you're gobbling it up like an old king with a turkey leg.
Nick: You're leaving money on the table. I can smell it. Watch. I'm gonna string him along, and then I'm going to get you a better deal. He thinks he's fishing for me. Nah, I'm fishing for him, but from the water.
Jess: You're in way over your head.
Nick: Right where a fish wants to be.
Quote from Winston
Rhonda: I don't like to talk about it around new people, but we were homeless.
Cece: Oh, I'm... I'm so sorry.
Schmidt: I had no idea.
Rhonda: It was tough. We didn't have money for food, clothes, toys. My brother and I adopted a rat. I remember, we called the rat Cingular Wireless. He was sweet. Until he ate my brother's pinkie toe clean off.
Schmidt: [quietly] What?
Rhonda: He bit it like a baby carrot. Just [snapping]. It woke me up.
Schmidt: That snap, that snap.
Rhonda: In the end, we laughed about it, 'cause what else can you do? Just Singular being Singular.
Schmidt: Gosh darn it.
Rhonda: [sighing] He ran away after a while... my brother, not the rat... he didn't get far, obviously, not with nine toes. Listen, it wasn't a great childhood, and I know that I come on strong, but I guess, if I can scare people with my pranks, then I know I'm not the only one who's scared.
Schmidt: What a cruel, terrible world we live in. I had no idea. I'm so, so, so, sorry. [Winston and Rhonda guffawing]
Winston: You're stupid, Schmidt. And you're-you're stupid, too, Cece.
Rhonda: Stupid.
Cece: Okay, wait, so the en... the en... the entire story is a lie?
Rhonda: Rhon. Da'd. Pow-pow.
Quote from Nick
Nick: Jess, you don't get it. The stuff between Sam and I is deep guy stuff. It's untalkable.
Sam: That's right. I punched him twice.
Nick: And I stole his girlfriend. We're talking about adultery and violence. That part of the male brain has not been civilized.
Jess: So you're just gonna feud forever?
Nick: I'll teach my sons to hate his sons and I expect the same from him.
Sam: You got it.
Nick: Thank you.