Schmidt: You ladies need to be very careful. Blow-out can give a woman too much confidence. Make them take on things that they can't handle. Hillary Clinton.

Jess: What are we gonna do?
Cece: My phone's dead.
Jess: My phone is dead, too.
Cece: I have no cash.
Jess: Now, what are we gonna do? Are we gonna walk?
Cece: My feet are wrecked, okay? And carrying shoes? That's legit walk of shame.
Jess: Please stop saying "walk of shame." Also "legit." Not crazy about that word, either. If that South African runner who killed his girlfriend can run with no legs, we can walk in heels.

Cece: All right. Confession. I did not sleep with Ken, either. Yeah, we started hooking up and then I called him... Schmidt.
Jess: That's okay. It happens.
Cece: Twice.
Jess: Whatever.
Cece: Four times.
Jess: Okay, that's bad.
Cece: I know, I felt so bad afterwards, I straightened up his room. I am a grown woman that is in love with her ex-boyfriend that has a girlfriend. And I've been stealing my neighbor's Wi-Fi. I mean, what have I become?