Coach: Watch and learn, player. If you're a girl and you're in a bar on Valentine's Day, you're basically saying, "Hello. Good February. I'm interested in casual sex."

Schmidt: Hey, it's my business partner that I was telling you about. Schmidt!
All: Schmidt!
Schmidt: Nick, who are all these people?
Nick: These are the crawlers. The single, the lonely, the close-talkers, the shockingly pale, the stank-mouths,
fat boys in the back... [whoops twice] The chubby-fronts, the delusionally-okay- with-themselves... but no one is alone tonight because...
All: [chant] The crawl is for all! The crawl is for all! The crawl is for all!

Cece: Boom! I'm gonna outdrink you tonight, Miller.
Nick: Cece, your mouth is writing a check that your body can't find. [laughs]
Jess: That's not an expression.
Winston: Regionally specific to Northern Illinois. We say it all the time.
Nick: Thank you, Winston.
Winston: You're welcome. Don't write a check your body can't find.
Nick: [laughs] Every day, man.