Schmidt Quote #862
Jess: You can't let her do this! We have to keep fighting!
Schmidt: She's taking me to a ribbon-cutting ceremony at a carniceria tomorrow. You know, Jess, I really think that she may be grooming me to be her arm candy. This could be a real Bill and Hillary situation.
Jess: You, sir, are no Bill Clinton.
Schmidt: I know. I'm Hillary.
Jess: Well, you're not Hillary, either!
Schmidt: I am, too, Hillary!
Quote from Schmidt
Fawn Moscato: Make sure they're sharp. It's political suicide to not cut the ribbon on the first try.
Schmidt: Of course. Look, if there's anyone who understand the importance of a sharp knife, it's a Jewish man.
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: Can I try on your uniform?
Winston: No, this uniform is for official police business.
[cut to Schmidt wearing Winston's uniform:]
Jess: [whoops] Yeah.
Winston: Looking good, man.
Schmidt: Yeah. We got a code Jewish, code Jewish.
Winston: You under "ch'arrest."
Quote from Godparents
Schmidt: Oh, no. Ruth hasn't been signed out. Um, excuse me. Um, have you seen Ruth? Brown hair, smile that would shake the earth, hates peas?
Girl: A white man broke in today.
Schmidt: A... a white man?! No! Well, what did security do about it?!
Quote from Wig
Schmidt: You know, when we first met, I had to pretend that all kinds of things were wrong with you just so I wouldn't freak out. You know, like, I gave you a glass eye for a while. You had a wooden foot for a short period of time. There was one week where I pretended that you were a Democrat.
Cece: I am a Democrat.
Schmidt: [laughing] Ah, that's so funny. I love you.
Cece: Okay. So we tell Nick she has a glass eye.
Schmidt: He'll spin out. He'll think the eye is a government-issued camera taking pictures for Langley. [Cece scoffs] Nick's a conspiracy theorist. It's like an Irish carnival up there-- just potato peels, broken rides, fiddle music, dreams left unfulfilled, bloodied soccer jerseys, bunch of women limping around named Moira.